And so another season ends, and some other city — Las Vegas this time, as if Las Vegas has been gasping in the desert looking for things to celebrate — gets to plan the party.
The energy inside Barclays Center for the Liberty’s two WNBA Finals game was palpable, downright electric, and it helped push them to a Game 3 win. But Game 4 was another story. Becky Hammon turned in one of the great one-game coaching jobs you’ll ever see, the Aces beat the Libs, and on we go awaiting our next celebration in New York.
It’s starting to make you wonder just how extreme that next giddy aftermath is going to look like, and sound like when that happens — if that happens — ever again. And it gets a curious mind thinking about what kind of benign earthquake such a celebration might welcome among our local sporting outfits.
The largest Richter scale reading ever recorded was a 9.5 for the deadly Valdivia Earthquake that struck Chile in 1960, according to the U.S. Geological Survey. Using our Benign Earthquake Scale (BES) for what a championship might mean to New York for our most significant teams — a highly reliable forensic study based on 10 percent math, 15 percent science, 30 percent guesswork, 42 percent my own personal opinion and 3 percent “other,” this is what the laboratory results show.
1. Knicks. BES reading: 9.2
It has been 50 years and a lot of misery between sips of champagne, and it’s fair to say that unlike the other three major pro sports, the actual gap in numbers between Knicks fans and Nets fans is larger than any of the others. It’s that chasm that gives the Knicks the edge over second place on this list. Plus, remarkably, the Knicks’ next tour up the Canyon of Heroes will be their first; in 1970 and ’73 there were but City Hall ceremonies to commemorate their titles.
2. Jets. BES reading: 9.1
Here is where we must note: This is a ranking based on a number of factors, weighed heavily toward the length of a title drought and the accumulated cynicism among fans across years. And, well, by just about any measure the Jets (and Knicks) are a few furlongs ahead of everyone else. And (like the Knicks): Joe Willie and Weeb got a handshake and a key to the city from Mayor Lindsay back in ’69. There has never been a Jets parade either.
3. Mets. BES reading: 7.9
This is where we start building other factors into this, such as the continuing (and still significant) place baseball has on the rostrum. The Mets have actually had three ticker-tape parades, one before they’d even ever played a home game back on April 12, 1962, their all-time record still only 0-1. The ’69 parade ushered in the tradition of baseball teams always visiting the Canyon, and the estimates for the ’86 parade were close to 2 million — and that was after a wait of only 17 years. This one is 37. And counting.
4. Yankees. BES reading: 7.2
Look, it’s been 14 years, and for Yankees fans that’s actually 98 on the dog-year scale, and for a team that — no surprise — has gotten the most ticker-tapes ever (one in 1961, one in ’62, and then all seven from 1977-2009). So Yankees fans know that terrain better than anyone. Still: They know that terrain better than anyone, and as a result nobody throws a better parade-day party.
5. Giants. BES reading: 6.9
Again, Big Blue gets the nod over the next team in line simply because of sheer numbers. The fact that you can actually remember their last two parades and don’t have to consult a history book takes away significantly from their score.
6. Rangers. BES reading: 6.7
It was an unforgettable day back in June 1994 when the Broadway Blues toasted the end of a 54-year drought. Is it buzz kill or a buzz-growth to point out that by next June the fresh drought will turn 30? The next parade will be just as rambunctious.
7. St. Bonaventure hoops. BES reading: infinity.
(Just making sure you’re still paying attention.)
7. Nets. BES reading: 6.0
We can’t confirm this, but apparently the two times the Nets won the ABA title the celebration involved Dr. J. and Bill Melchionni getting their dinner comped at Borelli’s the next night. Introducing Borough Hall as a celebrating venue would be pretty cool, though.
8. St. John’s. BES reading: 5.1
This is the part where I brace myself for angry emails from hockey fans but: Sorry. If St. John’s ever won the NCAA Tournament, that would be a party for the ages.
9. Islanders. BES reading 5.0
Tie goes to the team I grew up rooting for. Sorry. My list.
10. Devils. BES reading 5.0
I know it was fun to make fun of the celebrations they used to have at the old arena, in the parking lot, but I was there for two of them. They were a blast.
11. Liberty. BES reading 4.5
It would have been interesting to see how the Liberty would’ve been feted. For now they inherit the old mantra of Brooklyn: Wait till next year.
12. NYCFC/Red Bulls. BES reading 4.2
And this is the part where I brace myself for angry emails from soccer fans but: Sorry, we already saw NYCFC win a title and the celebration was back at City Hall, like the ’68 Jets and the ‘70s Knicks. Someday maybe it’ll climb higher on the list. Just not this day.
