PENTHOUSE – MORNING
We close up on CHRIS GETHARD, 32, a physically weak man of ginger complexion, as he opens his eyes and yawns. He stretches and slides ever so gently across the silver silk sheets that cover the enormous waterbed he’s been sleeping in. Chris is naked — when he realizes this is the case, he grabs the top sheet, which features a picture of Isiah Thomas riding a tiger who has Paul Wall-style platinum grill fangs instead of regular tiger fangs, and covers his naughty parts.

He looks across the room and we see that the penthouse he’s in is the entire top floor of a New York City skyscraper. There are floor to ceiling windows wrapping around the entire room. Standing across from the bed with his back to Chris is NEW YORK KNICKS OWNER JAMES DOLAN, 56, wearing a red silk robe emblazoned with a golden dragon. Dolan is facing outwards, his hands raised at his sides. His robe is hanging open.

CHRIS GETHARD
James — your robe is open. The entire city of New York can see your genitals.

JAMES DOLAN
The city of New York takes what I give them. And what I want them to have right now is a face full of my junk; just a big heaping face full of the body part that represents my own overzealous alpha male bull**** as well as my own sense of vanity. Right in your face, New York! Taste that dick! Hahahahahahaha.

CHRIS GETHARD
Jesus, sometimes I don’t know what to make of you. It’s as if you want to be perceived as a maniacal and vengeful rich kid who fancies himself a power broker and goes out of his way to do inexplicable and spiteful things to one of the most dedicated fan bases in the world of sports.

JAMES DOLAN
Whatever.

CHRIS GETHARD
Hey, new topic — I’ve got to visit my parents in Jersey today, I think I’m going to rent a Zipcar to head out there.

JAMES DOLAN
Why would you rent a car? I have so many cars!
CHRIS GETHARD
Well, I used to love driving the Nissan Leaf. And the Honda CR-V. And the Ford Focus. But you traded them all in for one Bugatti Veyron, and I just feel like an ******* driving that thing around.

JAMES DOLAN
Those other cars were worthless!

CHRIS GETHARD
Those cars weren’t flashy, but they were efficient and reliable.

JAMES DOLAN
Have you SEEN the Bugatti Veyron? It’s the coolest looking car I’ve ever seen in my ****ing life.

CHRIS GETHARD
It has the worst fuel efficiency of any car in the world.

JAMES DOLAN
But it can go fast for short bursts and makes loud noises! Even if you don’t want the Bugatti, why don’t you take the Ferrari?

CHRIS GETHARD
Because it’s broken down. It’s not as fast as it used to be. Also, for as much as I love that the Ferrari is in our garage, you payed too much for it.

JAMES DOLAN
Just so I’m clear, the Bugatti is analogous to Carmelo and the Ferrari is analogous to Amar’e, right?

CHRIS GETHARD
You nailed it, baby.

JAMES DOLAN
Well, why don’t you take the DeLorean?

CHRIS GETHARD
BECAUSE YOU INEXPLICABLY GOT MAD AT IT AND GAVE IT TO SOME ASSHOLE IN HOUSTON.

JAMES DOLAN
Oh, right! That happened during a toddler-esque temper tantrum so I forgot I even did that. Well, that thing looked odd and I doubt it would stand the test of time. I mean, the doors open upward. It looks different from other cars.

CHRIS GETHARD
Be that as it may, it went pretty fast no matter how you cut it. And if it did work out, the thing would travel through time. At worst, it’s a reliable, cool car that catches peoples’ attention. And at best, let me reiterate, you may have given away a car that potentially TRAVELS THROUGH TIME. It might be able to do things no one sees coming from any car! Plus, it just showed up in your garage one day out of nowhere. Like, it probably traveled through a time portal or something, because it just landed right in your lap. Why would you just give away a car that could potentially travel through time? It’s just so dumb. You’re right, the car might crap out. But why would you give away the potential…?

JAMES DOLAN
I didn’t want to. But the car got lippy and I’m full of pride in the way the Bible cautions against! Cut me some clack — clearly I wanted to keep it, I even bought a used 1982 Monte Carlo as its backup car. Also, if you have so many opinions, why do you go on dates with me anyway? For my money?

CHRIS GETHARD
That, and historically I have low self-esteem and hate myself and attach myself to people and situations that are just bad news. I am a Knicks fan, after all. Also, you have kind of an adorable fat face/goatee combo that I have to admit is endearing in its own odd way.

JAMES DOLAN
I’m tired of talking this much, you should sexually please me and then we’ll get brunch. We’ll make mimosas with this great bottle of champagne I bought for $30 million. I’m letting it sit on a shelf and get better with age.

CHRIS GETHARD
James, that champagne is analogous to Eddy Curry; it’s going to taste like ****.

JAMES DOLAN
I spent $30 million on it!

CHRIS GETHARD
It’s going to taste like ****.

James continues getting ready, putting blood diamond studded earrings in his ears and platinum rings on his greasy, grubby fingers. Chris awkwardly puts on his ill-fitting jeans and a t-shirt sporting the logo of underappreciated New Jersey punk band The Ergs. They head to brunch. James belches a lot and laughs at it, even though everyone else around him is disgusted. He thinks belching is literally the funniest joke that there could be on all of planet Earth.

Later that day, Chris visits his parents who tell him he is a good person and shouldn’t put up with how James Dolan treats him. They ask him why he doesn’t get back together with that nice boy who was so polite and treated him with thoughtfulness and respect — Sam Presti. Chris reminds his parents that historically any time he dates a nice girl he manages to screw it up, and he in fact enjoys sticking by the sides of insane people, because it’s often hellish but when it’s fun it’s fun. In that way, he is like all other Knicks fans.

We get it. He sucks dyck as an owner. It seems he's let the inmates(Grunny and Woody) run the asylum now. That's a good thing.

Kudos for not mentioning Prokhorov or the Nyets!

DurzoBlint wrote:we know how you feel, was this really necessary. Wouldn't have said anything if it was funny.

It is funny!

Nalod wrote:

ChuckBuck wrote:Anti-Dolan bias har har har...

We get it. He sucks dyck as an owner. It seems he's let the inmates(Grunny and Woody) run the asylum now. That's a good thing.

Kudos for not mentioning Prokhorov or the Nyets!

Acute N*tPhobia.

You mentioned the Nyets again! What does hating on Dolan have to do with Prokhorov?

Dolan bashing has been going on 10 years before Prok bought the N*ts!

You tell me. With you it's either Phuck Dolan or God those Nyets looook fine from behind! Every other thread you're in, you either mention the big Russian's successful bowel movements, Bropez finely coifed hair, or Not Joe Johnson's easy to swallow contract.

Nalod wrote:
http://blogs.thescore.com/tbj/2012/07/18/what-it-might-be-like-the-morning-after-a-casual-sexual-encounter-with-james-dolan/#more-41831

PENTHOUSE – MORNING
We close up on CHRIS GETHARD, 32, a physically weak man of ginger complexion, as he opens his eyes and yawns. He stretches and slides ever so gently across the silver silk sheets that cover the enormous waterbed he’s been sleeping in. Chris is naked — when he realizes this is the case, he grabs the top sheet, which features a picture of Isiah Thomas riding a tiger who has Paul Wall-style platinum grill fangs instead of regular tiger fangs, and covers his naughty parts.

He looks across the room and we see that the penthouse he’s in is the entire top floor of a New York City skyscraper. There are floor to ceiling windows wrapping around the entire room. Standing across from the bed with his back to Chris is NEW YORK KNICKS OWNER JAMES DOLAN, 56, wearing a red silk robe emblazoned with a golden dragon. Dolan is facing outwards, his hands raised at his sides. His robe is hanging open.

CHRIS GETHARD
James — your robe is open. The entire city of New York can see your genitals.

JAMES DOLAN
The city of New York takes what I give them. And what I want them to have right now is a face full of my junk; just a big heaping face full of the body part that represents my own overzealous alpha male bull**** as well as my own sense of vanity. Right in your face, New York! Taste that dick! Hahahahahahaha.

CHRIS GETHARD
Jesus, sometimes I don’t know what to make of you. It’s as if you want to be perceived as a maniacal and vengeful rich kid who fancies himself a power broker and goes out of his way to do inexplicable and spiteful things to one of the most dedicated fan bases in the world of sports.

JAMES DOLAN
Whatever.

CHRIS GETHARD
Hey, new topic — I’ve got to visit my parents in Jersey today, I think I’m going to rent a Zipcar to head out there.

JAMES DOLAN
Why would you rent a car? I have so many cars!
CHRIS GETHARD
Well, I used to love driving the Nissan Leaf. And the Honda CR-V. And the Ford Focus. But you traded them all in for one Bugatti Veyron, and I just feel like an ******* driving that thing around.

JAMES DOLAN
Those other cars were worthless!

CHRIS GETHARD
Those cars weren’t flashy, but they were efficient and reliable.

JAMES DOLAN
Have you SEEN the Bugatti Veyron? It’s the coolest looking car I’ve ever seen in my ****ing life.

CHRIS GETHARD
It has the worst fuel efficiency of any car in the world.

JAMES DOLAN
But it can go fast for short bursts and makes loud noises! Even if you don’t want the Bugatti, why don’t you take the Ferrari?

CHRIS GETHARD
Because it’s broken down. It’s not as fast as it used to be. Also, for as much as I love that the Ferrari is in our garage, you payed too much for it.

JAMES DOLAN
Just so I’m clear, the Bugatti is analogous to Carmelo and the Ferrari is analogous to Amar’e, right?

CHRIS GETHARD
You nailed it, baby.

JAMES DOLAN
Well, why don’t you take the DeLorean?

CHRIS GETHARD
BECAUSE YOU INEXPLICABLY GOT MAD AT IT AND GAVE IT TO SOME ASSHOLE IN HOUSTON.

JAMES DOLAN
Oh, right! That happened during a toddler-esque temper tantrum so I forgot I even did that. Well, that thing looked odd and I doubt it would stand the test of time. I mean, the doors open upward. It looks different from other cars.

CHRIS GETHARD
Be that as it may, it went pretty fast no matter how you cut it. And if it did work out, the thing would travel through time. At worst, it’s a reliable, cool car that catches peoples’ attention. And at best, let me reiterate, you may have given away a car that potentially TRAVELS THROUGH TIME. It might be able to do things no one sees coming from any car! Plus, it just showed up in your garage one day out of nowhere. Like, it probably traveled through a time portal or something, because it just landed right in your lap. Why would you just give away a car that could potentially travel through time? It’s just so dumb. You’re right, the car might crap out. But why would you give away the potential…?

JAMES DOLAN
I didn’t want to. But the car got lippy and I’m full of pride in the way the Bible cautions against! Cut me some clack — clearly I wanted to keep it, I even bought a used 1982 Monte Carlo as its backup car. Also, if you have so many opinions, why do you go on dates with me anyway? For my money?

CHRIS GETHARD
That, and historically I have low self-esteem and hate myself and attach myself to people and situations that are just bad news. I am a Knicks fan, after all. Also, you have kind of an adorable fat face/goatee combo that I have to admit is endearing in its own odd way.

JAMES DOLAN
I’m tired of talking this much, you should sexually please me and then we’ll get brunch. We’ll make mimosas with this great bottle of champagne I bought for $30 million. I’m letting it sit on a shelf and get better with age.

CHRIS GETHARD
James, that champagne is analogous to Eddy Curry; it’s going to taste like ****.

JAMES DOLAN
I spent $30 million on it!

CHRIS GETHARD
It’s going to taste like ****.

James continues getting ready, putting blood diamond studded earrings in his ears and platinum rings on his greasy, grubby fingers. Chris awkwardly puts on his ill-fitting jeans and a t-shirt sporting the logo of underappreciated New Jersey punk band The Ergs. They head to brunch. James belches a lot and laughs at it, even though everyone else around him is disgusted. He thinks belching is literally the funniest joke that there could be on all of planet Earth.

Later that day, Chris visits his parents who tell him he is a good person and shouldn’t put up with how James Dolan treats him. They ask him why he doesn’t get back together with that nice boy who was so polite and treated him with thoughtfulness and respect — Sam Presti. Chris reminds his parents that historically any time he dates a nice girl he manages to screw it up, and he in fact enjoys sticking by the sides of insane people, because it’s often hellish but when it’s fun it’s fun. In that way, he is like all other Knicks fans.

You must be really bored with life and have dreams about Dolan.

ChuckBuck wrote:

Nalod wrote:

ChuckBuck wrote:Anti-Dolan bias har har har...

We get it. He sucks dyck as an owner. It seems he's let the inmates(Grunny and Woody) run the asylum now. That's a good thing.

Kudos for not mentioning Prokhorov or the Nyets!

Acute N*tPhobia.

You mentioned the Nyets again! What does hating on Dolan have to do with Prokhorov?

Dolan bashing has been going on 10 years before Prok bought the N*ts!

You tell me. With you it's either Phuck Dolan or God those Nyets looook fine from behind! Every other thread you're in, you either mention the big Russian's successful bowel movements, Bropez finely coifed hair, or Not Joe Johnson's easy to swallow contract.

Yeah, Phuck dolan is correct. The other are fabricated delusions. I don't talk about the N*ts. There might be other sites that yoru mixing it up? Find where I say the Nyets are good or bad. All I say is don't harp on Johnsons contract because we over pay also as Amare's contract is pretty bad. Never said Johnsons contract was good. Never talked about BroPez game other than once I said " his contract could be reasonable if he can avg 18-20pts and grab 2 more rebs a game".

The Big Russian poops are bigger than "that Little Man".

This article is relevant as its all Dolan and the Knicks and never mentions N*ts.

If you create an arguement and then deflect the content to a third subject is evident your scraping.

The N*tPhobia is pretty evident.

Nalod wrote:

ChuckBuck wrote:

Nalod wrote:

ChuckBuck wrote:Anti-Dolan bias har har har...

We get it. He sucks dyck as an owner. It seems he's let the inmates(Grunny and Woody) run the asylum now. That's a good thing.

Kudos for not mentioning Prokhorov or the Nyets!

Acute N*tPhobia.

You mentioned the Nyets again! What does hating on Dolan have to do with Prokhorov?

Dolan bashing has been going on 10 years before Prok bought the N*ts!

You tell me. With you it's either Phuck Dolan or God those Nyets looook fine from behind! Every other thread you're in, you either mention the big Russian's successful bowel movements, Bropez finely coifed hair, or Not Joe Johnson's easy to swallow contract.

Yeah, Phuck dolan is correct. The other are fabricated delusions. I don't talk about the N*ts. There might be other sites that yoru mixing it up? Find where I say the Nyets are good or bad. All I say is don't harp on Johnsons contract because we over pay also as Amare's contract is pretty bad. Never said Johnsons contract was good. Never talked about BroPez game other than once I said " his contract could be reasonable if he can avg 18-20pts and grab 2 more rebs a game".

The Big Russian poops are bigger than "that Little Man".

This article is relevant as its all Dolan and the Knicks and never mentions N*ts.

If you create an arguement and then deflect the content to a third subject is evident your scraping.

The N*tPhobia is pretty evident.

Again you're trying to divert all attention to you know who instead of posting something about the Knicks and their upcoming season. If you had any good reason to be on this forum we would have seen it by now.

infinitilov100 wrote:

Nalod wrote:

ChuckBuck wrote:

Nalod wrote:

ChuckBuck wrote:Anti-Dolan bias har har har...

We get it. He sucks dyck as an owner. It seems he's let the inmates(Grunny and Woody) run the asylum now. That's a good thing.

Kudos for not mentioning Prokhorov or the Nyets!

Acute N*tPhobia.

You mentioned the Nyets again! What does hating on Dolan have to do with Prokhorov?

Dolan bashing has been going on 10 years before Prok bought the N*ts!

You tell me. With you it's either Phuck Dolan or God those Nyets looook fine from behind! Every other thread you're in, you either mention the big Russian's successful bowel movements, Bropez finely coifed hair, or Not Joe Johnson's easy to swallow contract.

Yeah, Phuck dolan is correct. The other are fabricated delusions. I don't talk about the N*ts. There might be other sites that yoru mixing it up? Find where I say the Nyets are good or bad. All I say is don't harp on Johnsons contract because we over pay also as Amare's contract is pretty bad. Never said Johnsons contract was good. Never talked about BroPez game other than once I said " his contract could be reasonable if he can avg 18-20pts and grab 2 more rebs a game".

The Big Russian poops are bigger than "that Little Man".

This article is relevant as its all Dolan and the Knicks and never mentions N*ts.

If you create an arguement and then deflect the content to a third subject is evident your scraping.

The N*tPhobia is pretty evident.

Again you're trying to divert all attention to you know who instead of posting something about the Knicks and their upcoming season. If you had any good reason to be on this forum we would have seen it by now.

"you know who".....Is the N*tPhobia now also comes with paranoia?

Im not under any impression there was any thing in the bylaws or the UK manifesto that said I have to post something to your liking.

You don't even contribute anything but ride others posts to give them a big "Thumbs up"!

Here you go:http://www.ultimateknicks.com/forum/topic.asp?t=42759

A post trying to drum up support about Grunwald and a discussion. I posted a URL of a link about Billy King which I thought was a nice piece and looked for more info about Grunwald. I bet my posts showed some things about Grunwald some did not know about. I defended the hire years ago when many were pounding on the job he did in toronto. Any way some of you who don't read thought I was promoting the King profile.

What have you contributed? MOre N*tPhobia.

Nalod wrote:

ChuckBuck wrote:

Nalod wrote:

ChuckBuck wrote:

Nalod wrote:

ChuckBuck wrote:Anti-Dolan bias har har har...

We get it. He sucks dyck as an owner. It seems he's let the inmates(Grunny and Woody) run the asylum now. That's a good thing.

Kudos for not mentioning Prokhorov or the Nyets!

Acute N*tPhobia.

You mentioned the Nyets again! What does hating on Dolan have to do with Prokhorov?

Dolan bashing has been going on 10 years before Prok bought the N*ts!

You tell me. With you it's either Phuck Dolan or God those Nyets looook fine from behind! Every other thread you're in, you either mention the big Russian's successful bowel movements, Bropez finely coifed hair, or Not Joe Johnson's easy to swallow contract.

I don't talk about the N*ts.

Hilarious! Just a smidgen of Nalod's Nets slanted threads he started:

http://www.ultimateknicks.com/forum/topic.asp?t=42800

http://www.ultimateknicks.com/forum/topic.asp?t=42742

http://www.ultimateknicks.com/forum/topic.asp?t=42759

http://www.ultimateknicks.com/forum/topic.asp?t=42715

http://www.ultimateknicks.com/forum/topic.asp?t=42710

And this doesn't even include his replies or input into countless other threads interjecting his Nyets bias.

I don't talk about the N*ts....MY ASS!

Did you read them?

1)That Little Man

I see my problem now.
I am of Russian acestry, From brooklyn, and used to root for the ABA NEW YORK N*TS!!!!!
All this time I have loved my knicks but deep down my sleeper heritage is seeping thru the pores of my skin!
Maybe Infinitilove100 is right? Maybe I am an ULITIMATENET!!!!!!

2)Phuch it, lets just do this and get it over with!

Contractually BroPez was a free agent. Guy grabs two more rebounds a game he is well worth his contract.

Nets got Joe Johnson cheap because of his crazy contract that ATL wanted to shed. Parallel with Amare. Sometimes you over pay to get them. Another smilar contract. I call this one a draw.

12 mil for Humphries! Dude is a double-Double machine. 13.8 pts per game, 11 Reb. He was Number 2 in the NBA in rebounding. He may be a Net and a Kardasian whore but 12 mil is the rate for a 26 year old double double guy who puts up better stats each year.

3)OT Spoiler alert: Know a Knick: GM?

Supposed article about Glen Grunwald, but includes dubious link to Nets GM Billy King

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazine/the-new-net-worth.html?_r=1&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

4)Open letter to all.......

I also was a Net fan of the ABA and from Brooklyn. I think I will like the Nets and will follow them

The Nets have done a respectful job to leave New Jersey for Brooklyn, build a nice new arena and construct a roster by a new owner willing to also pay taxes for it.

5)Game thread: Knicks Vs Nets 11/1.....Opening nite for Orange & Blue Vs the Black & White!

Tyson (defense) vs BroPez (offense) is an intriguing matchup and perhaps tips the balance. Nets may have the best back court in the league

1. I guess you don't understand sarcasm.

2. We are talking about an in division rival. I am not promoting them. One would have to go back and reread the whole thread to grab the context of the response. What is the "accusation"? Nalod a closet Net fan? I keep reading "Nets suck" and I guess as someone who is interested I looked into the numbers. The subject was they are overpaying. Seems they have some statistical justificaton on some of those "bloated contracts".

3. I come across article on Billy King and unlike some of you idiots I liked teh Grunwald hiring when Isiah bought him from toronto and think he should get more attention. I bring it. Instead some of you with N*tPhobia misconstrue.

4. Open letter was a response to all the silly ignorant rants. I stand by my statement that I will like them and respect the turnaround on that franchise. I can be knick fan and respect other franchises.

5. Game thread! Yeah, I wanted the thread! Im excited about it and some of you might be agitated by me starting it! Like other threads we discuss other team and their girls! Its gonna be a big game with a big buzz!Seems only "kool aid Nutt Hugging Little Man Homers" are bothered by the recent hype.

They are an in city and in division rival. Get over it, they will come up in conversation in threads either by me or others.
If you think they suck just discuss why. My response will be very little because Im not rooting for them nor defending their play. I will follow them as they are of interest to me.

Many of you follow other teams and players. Follow is not being a "fan" but its of interest to you.

One more time: I will follow the Nets because they are a NY team and will root for them if they advance beyond the Knicks. Some of you might disagree. I respect that. Stop challanging me on my view and you'll see most of it goes away. Some of us enjoy the debate on the internet enjoy a good factual banter. Just ignore it and we are done. Keep it up and we can do this all day.

ChuckBuck wrote:

Nalod wrote:I respnd to the accusations by your numerical list.

1. I guess you don't understand sarcasm.

2. We are talking about an in division rival. I am not promoting them. One would have to go back and reread the whole thread to grab the context of the response. What is the "accusation"? Nalod a closet Net fan? I keep reading "Nets suck" and I guess as someone who is interested I looked into the numbers. The subject was they are overpaying. Seems they have some statistical justificaton on some of those "bloated contracts".

3. I come across article on Billy King and unlike some of you idiots I liked teh Grunwald hiring when Isiah bought him from toronto and think he should get more attention. I bring it. Instead some of you with N*tPhobia misconstrue.

4. Open letter was a response to all the silly ignorant rants. I stand by my statement that I will like them and respect the turnaround on that franchise. I can be knick fan and respect other franchises.

5. Game thread! Yeah, I wanted the thread! Im excited about it and some of you might be agitated by me starting it! Like other threads we discuss other team and their girls! Its gonna be a big game with a big buzz!Seems only "kool aid Nutt Hugging Little Man Homers" are bothered by the recent hype.

They are an in city and in division rival. Get over it, they will come up in conversation in threads either by me or others.
If you think they suck just discuss why. My response will be very little because Im not rooting for them nor defending their play. I will follow them as they are of interest to me.

Many of you follow other teams and players. Follow is not being a "fan" but its of interest to you.

One more time: I will follow the Nets because they are a NY team and will root for them if they advance beyond the Knicks. Some of you might disagree. I respect that. Stop challanging me on my view and you'll see most of it goes away. Some of us enjoy the debate on the internet enjoy a good factual banter. Just ignore it and we are done. Keep it up and we can do this all day.

Don't worry, this kool aid nutt hugging little man homer isn't bothered by the Nyets hype. It actually amuses me. Prostate I mean Prokhorov is one of the most entertaining new owners in the NBA. We shall see how the season turns out for both franchises soon enough. In the meantime keep reppin' for your BK squad. Your defense of that turd covered team is reason enough to keep coming back here during the slow offseason.

My defense is: "they don't suck as much as some of you would like them too"!

Thats it.

If they win opening nite is it:

"They not half bad team!"

or......

"We suck! WE have not reason to lose to them! Fire Woodson!"