Funniest article I have read about the state of the NY Media.
http://www.kfba.net/Articles/45234.aspx

Bermanizing the Knicks


I want Marc Berman's job. I don't envy the fact that he follows the unwatchable Knicks around the country, or the mediocre game recaps he bangs out for the New York Post. What turns me green is the way Berman gets to write suggestively about transactions that have a worse chance of happening than Tim Thomas making an All-Star team. Take Berman's March 29th column, in which he wrote, "Isiah Thomas has said he's in the market for a center and athletic shooting guard such as Golden State free agent Jason Richardson, who faced (the Knicks) last night."



Berman never states directly that New York will pursue J-Rich. Doing so would be futile, especially since--as the Colonel pointed out on the message boards--the Warriors inked Richardson to a six-year extension in November. Factual errors aside, it would be ridiculous to claim the Knicks, with their mid-level exception, could enter the sweepstakes for a 24 year-old with rocket hops and a 22 point-a-game average, so Berman throws a "such as" in front of Richardson's name. Are Marquis Daniels, Derek Fisher, and Stephen Jackson players "such as" Richardson? They're the three guards playing for mid-level money ($4.9 million) this season.



Equally ludicrous is Berman's more recent claim that LeBron James just may sign with the Knicks when he becomes a free agent after next season. According to his April 2nd column, "a clause in James' Nike contract that would pay him more to play in New York... makes it not so absurd for James to sign for the $5 million midlevel exception that the capped-out Knicks could offer, although it would seem unlikely. The Knicks probably would need to work a sign-and-trade with the Cavs so they can pay him the maximum."



Precisely who could the Knicks trade to acquire the best young player the league has seen since Michael Jordan? Maurice Taylor will make almost $10 million in 2006-07. Trading him and Mike Sweetney ($2.7 million) would probably work under the cap, just not in reality.



And reality, of course, is the problem with most of Berman's suggestions. Besides two prospects (Sweetney and Trevor Ariza) and Stephon Marbury, all of the Knicks assets--Allan Houston ($19.125 million in 2005-06), Penny Hardaway ($15.75 million), Tim Thomas ($13.975 million), Taylor ($9.1 million), Kurt Thomas ($6.62 million), Jamal Crawford ($6.525 million), Jerome Williams ($6.075 million), Malik Rose ($6.008 million)--are, at best, overpaid role players. Any takers?



If not, New York's $100-plus million payroll will limit GM Isiah Thomas to using his exceptions to lure free agents this summer. But hey, according to Berman, stars like James and Richardson, not to mention Ray Allen, Antoine Walker, and Larry Hughes, will seriously consider taking less money to play in New York. Why? Will the money to be gained from vague marketing opportunities make up for the big pay cuts they'll have to take? Are they--as many New Yorkers would like to believe--pining to play in the nation's biggest media market? Are they jonesing for the opportunity to resurrect a team that currently sports the seventh worst record in the NBA, despite having the league's highest total salary? The truth is, none of these players--nor any equivalent free agents--will be wearing a Knicks' uniform come November. But I guess a writer can dream.



However, if you're going to dream, you might as well dream about a Halle Barry and Salma Hayek sandwich--or at least the basketball equivalent. With that in mind, let me take a stab at out-Bermanizing Berman. Let me remake the Knicks.



Trade #1: Kurt Thomas ($6.62 million next season) to Denver for Carmelo Anthony ($3.71 million) and Nene ($3.06 million)

Let's face it. As well as the Nuggets are playing right now, Melo isn't George Karl's kind of player. He's a below average passer and he doesn't always give optimal effort on defense. That said, he'd flourish in the up-tempo game Isiah is trying to establish in the Apple. Nene, a rugged rebounder, provides something similar to what starting bigs Kenyon Martin and Marcus Camby give Denver. Kurt Thomas, on the other hand, can stroke it from eighteen feet and offers veteran leadership, which the young Nuggs need. (Never mind that they wouldn't be that young if they traded Anthony and Nene).



Trade #2: Penny Hardaway ($15.75 million) to Detroit for Rasheed Wallace ($10.26 million), Carlos Arroyo ($4 million), and Carlos Delfino ($969, 600)

The Pistons are in desperate need of a reliable veteran to spell Tayshaun Prince and Rip Hamilton, and while Wallace may have calmed down since leaving Portland, he still leads the league in technical fouls. Would a trade to New York cool him down? There's only one way to find out. While Wallace is a definite risk, his shooting range would compliment Nene's brutality and Marbury's ability to get to the rim. He'd also give the Knicks the down-low stopper they currently lack. Arroyo would provide Steph with a competent understudy and Delfino, together with Sweetney and Ariza, would give New York one potent summer league squad.



Trade #3: Maurice Taylor ($9.1 million) and Jerome Williams ($6.75 million) to Seattle for Ray Allen (sign and trade)

Danny Fortson and Reggie Evans have done a nice job this year, but if the Sonics are to compete in the West, they need more size. Taylor and Williams would give Seattle something they haven't had since George Karl was the head coach--front-line depth. Allen, meanwhile, would provide the Knicks with another defense-stretching long range specialist. Ray has already said he'd like to play in New York, and this deal would give him a contract he'd like as well.



Free Agent Signing: Zydrunas Ilgauskas (mid-level exception)

Okay, considering Ilgauskas makes more than $14.5 million a year, this may sound a little far-fetched, but remember, Big Z has had multiple foot surgeries over the course of his career. He's only missed three games in the last three seasons, but who knows how long his dogs will hold up? Anyway, new owner Dan Gilbert is looking to agitate things in Cleveland and the teams with cap room (New Orleans, Atlanta, et al) want young bigs to build around. Enter Isiah. At 30 years old, Ilgauskas would relish the opportunity to compete for a title with this talented, dynamic squad.



And make no mistake, the new-look Knicks will compete for a championship. Without even considering who Isiah may draft (could the bounce of the ping pong balls bring Andrew Bogut or Chris Paul?), New York will sport a twelve-man roster of Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Rasheed Wallace, Carmelo Anthony, Ray Allen, Stephon Marbury, Nene, Mike Sweetney, Malik Rose, Trevor Ariza, Jamal Crawford, Carlos Arroyo, and Carlos Delfino. With talent like that, the Knicks will surely be able to lure Phil Jackson, Larry Brown, Flip Saunders, or whatever coach they choose.



So with next year's line-up all set, there's only one more question: When's the Post going to hire me?

[Edited by - NYKBocker on 04/15/2005 15:17:40]

awesome article. thanks.

Very funny but at the same time very sad that NY is in such a terrible state...