0) When Willie Cauley Stein first came out of his mother he gave the doctor a single glance; the doctor refused to smack him on the butt.

1) Willie Cauley Stein does not take free throws; they have to pay him.

2) Willie Cauley Stein does not block shots, he simply stares them down.

3) Willie Cauley Stein doesn’t have to guard his man; they know enough not to try to score.

4) Willie Cauley Stein’s dunks are so vicious; the U.S. Supreme court is set to rule on whether they constitute cruel and unusual punishment.

5) Willie Cauley Stein doesn’t have to box out for rebounds, the ball falls into his hands out of fear and respect

6) Willie Cauley Stein, a great all around athlete, was such a good hockey player as a youth that his religious grandmother used to say “Jesus Saves, but Willie always scores on the rebound.”

7) Willie Cauley Stein’s voice was so much better than anyone else’s; summer camp stopped the sing along and renamed it the Willie Cauley Stein Sing Alone.

8) Willie Cauley Stein is no longer allowed to visit organic free range chicken farms because the chickens immediately flock to him and kill themselves.

9) Willie Cauley Stein is so respected that the Free Willie movie franchise has changed its name to “Do Whatever You Want, Willie- We know you can’t be contained.”

10) Willie Cauley Stein’s self-designed tattoos are considered so artistic that towns in Kentucky pay him to walk around topless as part of their municipal beautification programs.

11) Willie Cauley Stein was such a good player in high school that the words “No you can’t even contain him!” were officially added to the expression, “You can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him.”

12) Willie Cauley Stein is such a great warrior that the next Avengers movie had to keep him out of the script because there would have been no need for the other super heroes.

13) Willie Cauley Stein recently started writing about his life on Twitter; The Most Interesting Man in the World has been in hiding since that first tweet and allegedly had a nervous breakdown.

14) Willie Cauley Stein was such a great BB player that his college coach would sometimes beg him to play poorly in order to not damage the self-esteem of their opponents.

15) Willie Cauley Stein’s all around greatness and diplomatic skills led North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un to admit that the only mistake he’s ever made in his life was having Dennis Rodman, and not Willie Cauley Stein, visit him.

16) Willie Cauley Stein is such a dominating player that Lebron James has said he will not exercise his player option until he knows which conference Willie Cauley Stein will be playing in.

17) Willie Cauley Stein can play D at all five positions on the court; AT THE SAME TIME.

18) Willie Cauley Stein first met MC Hammer at a charity basketball game; without a word, he let Willie touch it.

19) When Willie Cauley Stein turns the ball over, the IRS allows him to take it off as a charitable deduction.

20) When Willie Cauley Stein was told by a reporter that he seemed to defy Newton's universal law of gravitation, he was heard to say, "I don't care how he makes those cookies...I just eat them."

21) Willie Cauley Stein has such a nice butt that Andrew and Martin plan on creating a “Greatest Butt Thread” in the Off-Topic Forum and locking it immediately after posting some enticing photos of Willie Cauley Stein’s posterior.

22) Willie Cauley Stein is such a dynamic and fun personality, that Jerry Seinfeld is planning on changing his name to Steinfeld if Willie Cauley Stein is drafted by the Knicks.