LeBron James'(notes) Thursday night decision was a lot of things — including long, mostly boring and pretty ridiculous — but chief among them was weird. From LeBron's totally round beard to his emotionless face to Kanye West being in attendance in a very deep v-neck, everything about the entire spectacle was quite bizarre. Keeping with that vibe, James said some pretty strange things during his television special. Here are the standouts in chronological order.

• "This whole free-agent experience, I'm looking forward to it."

This was pretty much the first thing out of LeBron's mouth, which was strange because I was under the impression that "this whole free-agent experience" was ending. Maybe he's just as anxious as I am to see where Brad Miller(notes) ends up.

• "It's a very small number and I could probably count it on my fingers."

LeBron's response to Jim Gray's inquiry into how many people knew his decision before the TV show just came off very awkward (and also untrue, it seems). Clearly LeBron James is capable of counting as high as 10, but the way he said it sounded like he wasn't sure.

• "The last time I changed my mind was probably in my dreams, and when I woke up this morning I knew it was the right decision."

Lots of people get ideas when they're sleeping. Not very many of them result in changing the landscape of a multi-billion dollar business. I guess all that fretting we did over where LeBron would end up could have been solved by him taking a nice nap the first day of free agency.
• "One thing you can't control is you never know."

This could be a Ringo Starr lyric.

• "I never wanted to leave Cleveland."

Obviously none of us were privy to the negotiations between LeBron and the Cavs, but it seems like the easiest way to not leave Cleveland is to not leave Cleveland.

• "They can have mixed emotions, of course."
When asked how fans would react to LeBron leaving the Cavaliers, James allowed their fans to have mixed emotions, which was pretty nice of him.

• "It was a tough decision because I know how loyal I am."

Signing a contract that is longer than any he'd signed with the Cavaliers is definite proof of his loyalty.
• "I think I was attracted to a lot of cities."

LeBron James, like, totally thought a lot of cities were, like, super hot. He played MASH in study hall to figure out which one he should totally play for, for real.

• "When you see KG and Ray and Paul and you didn't even understand the guys around them."

Well yeah, it's hard to understand Kendrick Perkins(notes) and Rajon Rondo(notes). They never smile. Open up, fellas.

• "Put the shoe on the other foot. If the Cavs would have got rid of me at one point, would my family burn down the organization? Of course not."

This was the biggest laugh of the night for me. I am still very happy to know that LeBron's family would have never burned down the entire Cleveland Cavaliers organization. You have no idea how many nights I've stayed up worrying about that.

• "If I draw a guy and Joel Anthony(notes) is under the rim, he has to make plays."

I guess this means Joel Anthony is coming back. And since he's going to be a playmaker, we might as well start calling the Heat the Fantastic Four or something like that.

The ONLY positive that comes out of this is that he has a better chance than before to win a championship.

Nothing else.