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orangeblobman
Posts: 27269
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Joined: 3/1/2009
Member: #2539
Nauru
12/13/2009  6:46 PM
Mugger comes up to a guy, says 'your money, or your life!'

Guy thinks about it for a second, says...'****, take my life, i need my money!!'

WE AIN'T NOWHERE WITH THIS BUM CHOKER IN CARMELO. GIVE ME STARKS'S 2-21 ANY DAY OVER THIS LACKLUSTER CLUSTEREFF.
AUTOADVERT
mattshaw78
Posts: 20901
Alba Posts: 52
Joined: 6/23/2005
Member: #915
12/13/2009  7:25 PM
what is the difference between tiger woods and Santa Claus. Santa stops after three hos
BlueSeats "I like anyone who can make Lebron cry. Melo seems to do it a lot."
AbrahamLincoln
Posts: 20188
Alba Posts: 4
Joined: 12/2/2009
Member: #3003
12/13/2009  7:43 PM
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Abraham Lincoln - David Lee Hater since 1863
orangeblobman
Posts: 27269
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Joined: 3/1/2009
Member: #2539
Nauru
12/13/2009  7:48 PM
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in a pool?

Bob.

WE AIN'T NOWHERE WITH THIS BUM CHOKER IN CARMELO. GIVE ME STARKS'S 2-21 ANY DAY OVER THIS LACKLUSTER CLUSTEREFF.
kam77
Posts: 27664
Alba Posts: 25
Joined: 3/17/2004
Member: #634
12/14/2009  1:10 AM    LAST EDITED: 12/14/2009  1:11 AM
Turns out it really was oregano. Related: These brownies taste awful
lol @ being BANNED by Martin since 11/07/10 (for asking if Mr. Earl had a point). Really, Martin? C'mon. This is the internet. I've seen much worse on this site. By Earl himself. Drop the hypocrisy.
NYKBocker
Posts: 38346
Alba Posts: 474
Joined: 1/14/2003
Member: #377
USA
12/14/2009  1:24 AM
A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"
SupremeCommander
Posts: 33978
Alba Posts: 35
Joined: 4/28/2006
Member: #1127
12/14/2009  4:41 AM
What did Kermit the Frog say the day Jim Henson died?


Nothing

DLeethal wrote: Lol Rick needs a safe space
kam77
Posts: 27664
Alba Posts: 25
Joined: 3/17/2004
Member: #634
12/14/2009  9:30 AM
Another first date last night. She told me about the skeletons in her closet so i told her about the head in my freezer. She ran off. I really thought we were connecting.
lol @ being BANNED by Martin since 11/07/10 (for asking if Mr. Earl had a point). Really, Martin? C'mon. This is the internet. I've seen much worse on this site. By Earl himself. Drop the hypocrisy.
firefly
Posts: 23224
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Joined: 7/26/2004
Member: #721
United Kingdom
12/14/2009  7:40 PM
Why do men get confused between hide-and-seek and sex? Cuz in both after about 2 minutes we shout "Ready or not, here I come!".
Some men see things as they are and ask why. I dream things that never were and ask why not?
NYKBocker
Posts: 38346
Alba Posts: 474
Joined: 1/14/2003
Member: #377
USA
12/14/2009  10:40 PM
Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep.

When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything.

The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream."

"That's true." She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you laughing so much last night?"

The daughter replied "Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh."

"That's also true." Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?"

The youngest daughter replied "Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full."
Marv
Posts: 35540
Alba Posts: 69
Joined: 9/2/2002
Member: #315
12/14/2009  10:46 PM
why did the man name his dog herpes?

it wouldn't heel.
orangeblobman
Posts: 27269
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Joined: 3/1/2009
Member: #2539
Nauru
12/15/2009  12:02 PM
The new Yugo has an air bag. When you sense an impending accident,
start pumping real fast.
WE AIN'T NOWHERE WITH THIS BUM CHOKER IN CARMELO. GIVE ME STARKS'S 2-21 ANY DAY OVER THIS LACKLUSTER CLUSTEREFF.
ramtour420
Posts: 26193
Alba Posts: 1
Joined: 3/19/2007
Member: #1388
Russian Federation
12/18/2009  2:55 AM
Almost a true story: A man needed to take a leak in the city, but couldn't find a restroom. So he goes to a quiet street, and starts pissing on a side of a building. As he is doing this, a cop walks by. Cop says, "You know, there is a public restroom right around the corner.", man replies "What, you think i have a fire hose for a penis?"
Everything you have ever wanted is on the other side of fear- George Adair
firefly
Posts: 23224
Alba Posts: 17
Joined: 7/26/2004
Member: #721
United Kingdom
12/18/2009  5:31 AM
Actually true story, but could only happen in England. Friend of mine in the city in the middle of the night after a long night Allanfaning, takes a leak on side of building, cop gets out of car and says "Thats illegal and I could book you for that". Friend give some smart-ass answer. Cop glares at him and says "Normally, I wouldnt care and Id leave you alone, but now youre taking the piss!". Cop then realizes what he'd just said, cracks up laughing and tells my friend to move on!
Some men see things as they are and ask why. I dream things that never were and ask why not?
kam77
Posts: 27664
Alba Posts: 25
Joined: 3/17/2004
Member: #634
12/18/2009  9:27 AM
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says,
"I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO HOME NOW?"

lol @ being BANNED by Martin since 11/07/10 (for asking if Mr. Earl had a point). Really, Martin? C'mon. This is the internet. I've seen much worse on this site. By Earl himself. Drop the hypocrisy.
kam77
Posts: 27664
Alba Posts: 25
Joined: 3/17/2004
Member: #634
12/18/2009  8:25 PM
I'm beginning to wonder if the bang bros are even related.
lol @ being BANNED by Martin since 11/07/10 (for asking if Mr. Earl had a point). Really, Martin? C'mon. This is the internet. I've seen much worse on this site. By Earl himself. Drop the hypocrisy.
nyk4ever
Posts: 41010
Alba Posts: 12
Joined: 1/12/2005
Member: #848
USA
12/19/2009  11:17 AM
"What, 18 holes weren't enough, Tiger?"
"OMG - did we just go on a two-trade-wining-streak?" -SupremeCommander
TMS
Posts: 60684
Alba Posts: 617
Joined: 5/11/2004
Member: #674
USA
12/20/2009  8:48 PM
Here's a pic of our congress hard at work during one of their grueling 3 day weeks. Look closely at the laptop screens.

After 7 years & 40K+ posts, banned by martin for calling Nalod a 'moron'. Awesome.
ramtour420
Posts: 26193
Alba Posts: 1
Joined: 3/19/2007
Member: #1388
Russian Federation
12/24/2009  2:17 AM
TMS wrote:Here's a pic of our congress hard at work during one of their grueling 3 day weeks. Look closely at the laptop screens.

Best joke so far !

Everything you have ever wanted is on the other side of fear- George Adair
djsunyc
Posts: 44927
Alba Posts: 42
Joined: 1/16/2004
Member: #536
12/24/2009  10:04 AM
where did the general put his armies?

in his sleevies...
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