The friend word has already been thrown around. Listen, it hurt but at the same time she's been through ****. She told me that her boyfriend tried to "rape" her when she was younger and that she also had a failed relationship and now she has trust issues. I can see her side of the story. Maybe she isn't playing around. Maybe that's how it is. And if she is, I'll get over it. I'm gonna stay close to this girl but I'm not investing any emotions into it. Whatever happens, happens. If it will be friends, let it be.

She admitted she liked me and that she did not reject me. She said I am young and I shouldn't worry about it and that I should enjoy my life. I never said I was worried to her but she already knew I liked her. She kinda sensed I didn't want to talk to her when i was being a dick to her earlier tonight and I told her the deal and stuff but like I said it will probably go down the friend route. I'm bummed out but there is not much I can do. I truly believe she's a good person and hopefully I am not wrong on that.

Thanks for replying and taking this seriously TMS. I owe you a beer when I come to join you guys one day on a UK get-together(if you're there).

[Edited by - gkfv2 on 10-13-2008 04:57 AM]

sounds like a pretty toxic situation in which you cant win. id say cut ties and if its meant to be it will work itself out. in the meantime, focus on your self and whats good for you - there are waaaayyy too many girls out there for you to be stressin over one...especially one that seems to be playin games with your head and has prior baggage to boot. you dont need that.

i bet fishmike would have an interesting read on this scenario....fish, where ya at? chime in here...but only after youve had 50 drinks beforehand.

I think the "friend" thing is over done. If you have feelings then the friendship is not genuine.

Your in Love. You'll do all kinds of nice things to "sell" her on yourself. You'll be great. As long as you are "chasing" and she is holding back you'll keep being mister wonderful and she'll test you. And Test you, and test you.

Then once you have her trust you better be darn sure this is the girl you want to marry cuz you'll either mess her up good, or yourself. Then you'll start thinking is she really the wonderful person and is she GIVING YOU what you need an desire?

Cut ties. Your not really friends, your just kind of in love with her and want to prove that your a good guy.

If you are, then save the goodness to someone who can recognize your good traits and appreciate it. She got issues, and Im sure you do also (we all got them), but try to hard and its one sided.

Normal well adjusted women are really fun to be with!

Nalod (married 22 years and thank my lucky stars daily! Got a great wife!)

she wants to make love to you without the relationship part of it.

This really IS interesting to read guys and in general I really understand where you guys are coming from!
I really got to say Ive also been (like prob. most guys) in situations like that and came out with some simple aspects that I had to understand in order to deal with stuff like that.
First of, this whole "friend" thing usually only works for one person while the other one still has issues and would want more! I have to admit, that I have been in both positions. First being the one with a girl, where I wanted more and then being the one "rejecting" a girl but wanting her as a "friend" and I really believe this ONLY works when the person rejecting love is serious about the emotions of the other enough that he really is a very caring friend!!!

Another thing is, that I really came to believe that its not worth the trouble!!! You might argue, that she had some bad experience and that she is THE ONE... but still... believe me even if it hurts... its not worth THIS trouble!!!
Im not saying stay away from her... just saying... if shes "the One" (a principle I find hard to believe... and Im in a GREAT relationship right now!!!) you guys will work it out without all the over the board talking and emotional struggles but also in a more relaxed way!!!

I am a very caring person and thus usually attract people who have serious problems, dont know who they are as a person yet or simply had BIG trouble in their past, BUT this is NOT a good start for a relationship!!! And I REALLY REALLY prefer to have a relatively normal person at my side without BIGGER issues!!!
Hell its just sooo much easier this way... I will admit though that it is getting more and more difficult to find such a person and that there is NO garantee that she will stay that way throughout the years!

So my advice, cause you asked is to simply try to not invest too much emotionally in that relationship but enjoy it on a more relaxed level. Im not saying shallow mind but dont pressure you or her!

So good luck and have fun!!!

i'm tellin ya man, girls are some selfish creatures... ur better off.

Posted by GKFv2:

The friend word has already been thrown around. Listen, it hurt but at the same time she's been through ****. She told me that her boyfriend tried to "rape" her when she was younger and that she also had a failed relationship and now she has trust issues. I can see her side of the story. Maybe she isn't playing around. Maybe that's how it is. And if she is, I'll get over it. I'm gonna stay close to this girl but I'm not investing any emotions into it. Whatever happens, happens. If it will be friends, let it be.

She admitted she liked me and that she did not reject me. She said I am young and I shouldn't worry about it and that I should enjoy my life. I never said I was worried to her but she already knew I liked her. She kinda sensed I didn't want to talk to her when i was being a dick to her earlier tonight and I told her the deal and stuff but like I said it will probably go down the friend route. I'm bummed out but there is not much I can do. I truly believe she's a good person and hopefully I am not wrong on that.

Thanks for replying and taking this seriously TMS. I owe you a beer when I come to join you guys one day on a UK get-together(if you're there).

[Edited by - gkfv2 on 10-13-2008 04:57 AM]

Do you think it's wise to take on another persons problems. You can be sympathetic, but you also have to think about your own emotional state.

That sucks GKF, I think we all know how it feels. Theres plenty more out there.

Posted by Knicksfansince94:

I wasn't joking when I said that she wants sex without the relationship part. You guys are looking too much into it. Chicks want sex just as much as you do, it's just that you baby them into reacting the way that GKFv2 described. See who she's bangin a week from now; probably a person that didn't want to get close.

Really dude, I could give a **** who she's banging. Seriously. I don't give a **** if she screws the entire New York area. I have put this in the past. But honestly, this is not why she doesn't want to get close.

As for 4949, I hear you. I think losing out on a girl (aka rejection) can hurt a guy's self-esteem and bring them down a little bit. It doesn't help that I don't have the highest self-esteem as far as getting with girls. I've been with girls in the past obviously but for some reason I am not as confident in myself in that department as I should be. Then something comes along and you feel smaller than an ant sometimes.

You're right, you take your lumps and move along but confidence takes time to build or re-build and right now I'm a re-building project.

[Edited by - gkfv2 on 10-17-2008 03:16 AM]