FYI, i did not write this, thought it was funny though.

Dear Newest Member of the NFL,

Congrats! You made it to the big league. After training for this moment your whole life, it's imaginable that you've heard all the traditional words of advice, such as "hard work and perseverance pays off," "carpe diem,""there's no 'I' in team," and surely, "never trust a big butt and a smile." But while you were perfecting your vertical jump and practicing how to say "I'm rich!" here are 15 tips to surviving the NFL you may've missed along the way. Welcome to the jungle, playa!

Sincerely,
The League That Now Owns You (No, for real.)

Tip #1: Learn to Say the Word 'No'
The 32 first-round picks last year took home an average of $10.86 million in guaranteed money. Translation: rookies sit on an obscene amount of cash. At some point it will become abundantly clear that you're not just a football player who got drafted to play in the NFL. Your whole family got drafted. You're Jed Clampett and they struck black gold. This is OK ... as long as you learn to say the word "No" from time to time. By all means take care of your family;they were there for you when you had nothing. Yet Uncle Cecil really doesn't need a Cadillac Escalade, a loaded Chevy Malibu will do just fine.
Tip #2: Take Care of Business
If you're spending nearly a year's salary on shiny rims and trying to out ice the North Pole ... Houston, we have a problem. You aren't going to be able to play this game forever. There's always going to be someoneyounger and faster and working with a few less concussions than you. They're also willing to do what you do for less money. So start investing in things that will appreciate in the long run: real estate, stocks, smart business ventures, etc. Sure, bling is fly now, but when you're 65 and all you have to show for your career is some old jewels, that's not cool.

Tip #3: Stay Away From Pacman Jones
It's possible that Adam "Pacman" Jones has earned an unfair bad rep. So you make it rain a little, have a propensity for gunfire and may have had about 10 or so run-ins with the law. Suddenly that makes you less than stellar? Who's to decide? But you're a newbie, so just stay clear of Pacman. If he asks your name, you don't have one. If he needs singles, you're fresh out of ones. And DO NOT attend a strip club with this man.


Tip #4: Go Easy on the Strip Clubs
Failure to follow tip #3 will likely result in you ending up here, the strip club. Be forewarned, if you must, make it rain with caution. Try drizzle. What happens in da club doesn't stay there anymore. It ends up in blogs, papers and occasionally police blotters. And for the record, no one goes to strip clubs for the food.

Tip #5: Know Your Role -- You're Not a Star Yet
Maybe you were a bad-ass in college. Broke records, won championships and now you've scored a lucrative rookie contract. Guess what? You haven't done crap. Whatever happened, previous to the NFL is now null and void. Try not to feel yourself too much and don't act like an ass. Philip Rivers may like talking trash, but veteran Champ Bailey doesn't like listening to it. Bailey on Rivers: "You're really not a great player in this league right now. You're surrounded by great players, but you're not a great player." Ouch.


Tip #6: Find a Mentor
Speaking of an NFL vet like Champ Bailey, it's key to get yourself a mentor. He's been where you are and done it all. Take some time to learn from the best. If you've got a question, he probably has the answer. Also, chances are he makes more money than you. So dinner and trips to Vegas are on him.

Tip #7: Date a Celebrity
Dating a celebrity is a sure way to get people outside the sports realm to know your name. It's the reason why Tony Romo and Tom Brady are relevant to the world of E! and People magazine. They may call the goalpost "that yellow thingy," but they love them some Reggie Bush. Dating a star can get crazy, but eh, you're only young once.

Tip #8: Invest in a Good Entourage
Just because you've made it, doesn't necessarily mean you have to cut Pookie and the fellas lose. However do let them know the rules of the game have changed. Everyone (including you) has got to start making smarter decisions. Yet if you find a friend who's so ride or die and willing to take a prison sentence for you ... he's a keeper. One never knows when that kind of enthusiasm come in handy.

Tip #9: Wear a Helmet
As an athlete, you are a fine specimen, but Superman you are not. Contrary to popular belief, one day you will die. It's sad but true. In order to prolong your days on earth precaution is vital. Try not to walk intoglass TV sets (a la Brandon Marshall) or ride a motorcycle without a helmet (a la Ben Roethlisberger and Kellen Winslow).

Tip #10: Keep Baby Mamas to a Minimum
Pay attention and write down this lesson: sex without a condom can get you a baby (or two, or three, or four ...). Nothing brings drama like a baby mama. Take for example the case of Travis Henry. He has fathered nine children ... by nine different women ... and had to borrow money from his former team to pay child support. Class dismissed.

Tip #11: Boy Scouts Honor
Your new boss, Commissioner Roger Goodell, runs a tight ship. If you were a Boy Scout, you're already fine tuned on the inner workings of the Goodell NFL era. Now tuck in your shirt and try not to embarrass the league. Everyone makes mistakes, but too many will have you playing Canadian football faster than you can say "O Canada."

Tip #12: Gun Control
Are you getting deployed to Iraq? No. Are you engineering a big coup in a Nicaraguan drug war? No. Then you don't need this kind of arsenal. If you are executing a coup, well then you've already violated tips #11 and 13.

Tip #13: Be Cautious of Side Businesses (Including Rap Careers)
Most people start side businesses to make a little extra cash. Lucky for you, your day job provides plenty of dough. Thus, there's really no need to get "creative" business ventures off the ground. But if you must, stay clear of "distribution" operations or jobs where there's a 50 percent or higher chance of someone (or animal) winding up dead or the federal government starting an investigation. In related advice, if you think you can rap, it's likely you can't.

Tip #14: Learn the Art of an Apology
Despite your best efforts, there may come a time when you have messed up and violated the league's code of conduct. At this time apologize because, well, we assume you'll want to get paid. Suspension has a tendency of slowing down paychecks. A few things to mention in this declaration of sorry: (1) You let your team, fans and family down. (2) You're donating money to a charity. (3) You have found God.

Tip #15: Have Some Fun
Don't complain about being a professional athlete. Overzealous fans, troubles of fame, people wanting be around you only because of your bank account, you're a target, and blah, blah blah. Woe is you. Here's the bottom line: You get paid millions of dollars to essentially play a game, all while stadiums of fans worship you. Those who don't worship, likely envy you to some degree. In the grand scheme of things, considering true ills like poverty and famine, you're living the good life. So have fun, celebrate, get wild and crazy (and hire someone to clean the mess). Welcome to the NFL.

Thats a hilarious article. Sadly, too many NFL rookies really do need to read and UNDERSTAND this.