Pumping Up

ANNCR: Good evening, and welcome again to "Pumping Up With Eddie & Zach", the informative training program for the serious basketball fan.

Together: Welcome! We're back! 

Eddy: Alright. Once again, I am Eddy...

Z-Bo: And I am Zach. And we just want to...

Together: pump... [They clap]...you up!

Eddy: Alright.

Randolph: Alright, first of all, let’s clear something up. You know, many people have talked about us of being different since the trade.

Curry: Ja. They are right! But let me explain—to us, this (flexing) is not something different!

Z-Bo: Ja. They are the people who stop on the street and stare at our amazing biceps!

Curry: Hence, we call ourselves the frontcourt with pumpitude!

Zach: Alright. Enough talk. We're not here to talk. We're here to...

Together: pump... [They clap]...you up!

Zach: You know, the big news is our cousin David Lee who is also proud to show his new pumpitude. Doesn’t surprise us, formerly skinny David has been pumping hard in practice.

Lee: Ja. You know, Big Eddy is sure to beat out all the competition from these other second-rate NBA centers!

Zach: ... Ben Wallace, Dalembert, Sha-quita…You know, all those guys!

Lee: That's right, you know -  Brad Miller, all of them! You know, it’s a laugh to even compare them to Eddy! Look at me, Zach; I am laughing!

Eddy: Ja! So am I, David!

[They laugh on, oblivious to the presence of Yao Ming who has just walked up behind them and simply stands there]

Lee: Ja, we are laughing—And what about this guy, Yao?

Zach: Ja! Hear me now and believe me later…Big Eddy could easily rip Yao's skinny little dinosaur arms off and use them as dental floss!

Lee: Ja, unwaxed! [They mime flossing their teeth, then suddenly notice Yao for the first time] Mr. Ming! I didn’t see you!

Yao: I couldn’t help overhearing what you guys were saying, you know…

Lee: Oh, you’re so quiet; how long were you back there? We were just talking…

Yao: Look, fellas—let’s not confuse the issue here. I don’t wanna compare myself to these other stars; they’re great and everything like that. But what I do is unique…You see, I follow—Zen.

Lee: Oh, we know Zen. First we lift a barbell…

Curry: …Zen we lift another…

Zach: …Zen another…

Lee: …Zen another…and Zen another…

Curry: ...And Zen another…

Zach: …And Zen we are done.

Yao: Nah, I don’t think you guys understand what I’m talking about; maybe I could demonstrate. I’d like to hold my little finger out and let you guys push on it.

Curry: Ah—Well, before you make this rash decision, maybe you should see what you’re up against.

Zach: Ja. Take a look, Yao…

[Zach and Curry flex their muscles superiorly, although Yao seems impressed]

Lee & Curry: [adlibs of “Now what do you think about that?”]

Yao: Looks to me like you guys are, like, really constipated; maybe you could drink some prune juice or something. I don’t know who taught you that stuff, but it looks kind of silly. You know what I’m saying?

Lee: All right, put it out…Go! [Yao holds out the little finger on his right hand; Lee and Frye proceed to push on it but can’t budge it an inch] All right—Push, Eddy!

Eddy: I am pushing, Homey! But Yao’s baby finger is too strong!!

Lee: It’s a Super-Baby-Finger!! [They stop to catch their wind] I’m very impressed, Mr. Yao; maybe we misjudged you.

Zach: Ja, maybe you’re not a lazy girlie-man after all, Mr. Yao

Yao: Sure thing; anytime, fellas…Just try and remember the Zen of things, okay? Have a nice one.

Curry: Ah—certainly, Mr. Ming. Good day. [Yao departs]

Zach: You know, Eddy, Yao's pinkie has taught us a great lesson.

Lee: Ja, maybe there would be a better way to pummel a girlie-man than muscle against flab.

Lee: Fist against poop-filled diaper.

Curry: Are you thinking what I’m thinking…?

[Segue into the “Pumping Up” opening sequence, but with the life-size cutouts of Arnold Schwarzenegger replaced by those of Eddy Curry.

Together: Welcome. We’re back.

Lee: Once again, I’m Hans.

Zach: Ja, and I’m Franz... and this our big brother cousin Eddy....

Together: And we just want to pump… [They lightly bring the tips of their pinkies together]…you up.

WOW...
This was... a piece of ART earl...

beautiful

LOL. NICE

(With Anucha as Aunt Esther)

ramtour and fellas - thank you for the props.

But as Nalod knows, you are only as good as your last performance, so...

cue the Quincy Jones theme music for ... (thoughtful pause) young Jimmy as Lamont in "Dolan and Son"

Pop Dolan: "...you big dummy, I gave you the checkbook... what did you bring back from the swap meet?... and don't call me Pop!"

Thanks for the laugh, misterearl...

Casting call

Nalod - not so fast homes. I've given the characters for "Dolan and Son" a lot of careful creative thought.

Work with me here. If Jimmy D is Lamont, then it would stand to reason that Isiah is NOT Grady, but Lamont's scheming, smarmy sidekick Rollo.

The slickster Rollo always had a scheme up his sleeve and worked all the angles. Sound familiar?

Grady is the best friend of Daddy "this is the BIG one Elizabeth!" Dolan. That precious role is reserved for Cablevision Vice Chair Hank J. Rather who said (and I quote), in the immortal words of Grady hisself,

"I think I'll watch a lit-tle tele-vi-shun"