Jermaine O’Neal Diagnosed With Rare “Kevin Willis Syndrome”11th March, 2007 - 11:31 pm

By Buster Gunning

Team officials for the Indiana Pacers were stunned Sunday when, after a routine physical, center Jermaine O’Neal was diagnosed with a rare defect known as “Kevin Willis Syndrome” an ailment that causes unusually short arms.

“Jermaine O’Neal is okay and will continue to play this season” said by Pacers team trainer Josh Corbeil in an emergency press conference. “Preliminary reports from a standard physical have proven earlier suspicions that Mr. O’Neal does indeed have Kevin Willis syndrome. This is a setback from Mr. O’Neal, however, it will not force him to injured reserve and he can still have a productive NBA career.”

WebMD defines Kevin Willis Syndrome as:

A shortening of the arms usually leading to an advanced thickness of the tricep and bicep muscles. Named after the first person to be diagnosed, Kevin Willis Syndrome (KWS) can be disabilitating as, in some cases; the arms continue to recede as the victim ages.

Also known as “The T-Rex Effect” not to be confused with hip-hop band “Rex N Effect”, Kevin Willis managed to play through his KWS and garner an astonishing 21 seasons as a forward/center in the NBA. During his illustrious career he managed to haul in almost 12,000 rebounds.

“Kevin managed to clean the boards and throw it down better than any big man in the league, even up to his last game,” mused NBA analyst Bill Walton. “Although, towards the end, his arms had receded so much, he often had to use his head to knock would-be rebounders out of the way and his powerful jaw was very helpful in tearing his opponents to shreds like a rabid carnivore. He was a true gentleman of our fair NBA.”

Other athletes rumored to have “Kevin Willis Syndrome” include Stephon Marbury of the New York Knicks and Los Angeles Clippers forward Tim Thomas. Jermaine O’Neal was unavailable for comment. He is currently on a father-son camping trip with formerly estranged pop LeBron James according to a team spokesman.

: Buster.Gunning@realgm.com

The preceding article was a piece of satirical fiction.

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Those real GM articles are funny sometimes. But they do catch you to the end, lol.

Okay, I'll admit it, I'm the official jack@ss of the night.
I read that while thinking to myself, "Man that sucks for JO. I wonder how long until it's noticeable."

Posted by Anji:

Two things:

1) HOw thehell did Marbury make it into this joke

2) HOw does this relate to JO?? Is he playing less or No D??? He looks like he has a Vince Carter Muslce tear if you as me.

Timmy probably has some variation of the syndrome which shortening his penis...
Steven will be lucky to have it to shorten his tongue. This will be good for him.