Dear New York Knicks Fans:

December 22, 2006 will mark a glorious occasion in the long, illustrious history of the New York Knicks:

The 3-Year Anniversary of Isiah Thomas' Arrival !!!

A Cause For Celebration:

Since December 22, 2003, Isiah has shown me a lot of "evident progress":

Zero Playoff Wins
A Won-Loss Record of 93-147 (.388)*
Unprecedented Salary Cap Mismanagement
No Franchise Player and No Hope of Getting One
Voted "General Manager of the Year" by Jerome James' Agent
Voted "General Manager of the Decade" in Phoenix, San Antonio, Chicago, Toronto, and Orlando
*Through December 10, 2006

The Invitation:

In celebration of all that Isiah has accomplished the 3 years that he's been here, I will be throwing an anniversary party in his honor, and YOU'RE INVITED!

Based on the recent home attendance figures, I know that there aren't many of you left. I also know that Isiah thinks you're dumb and blames you for the team's poor home record. But, for one night, let's think positive and Let's Party Like It's 1998-99.

Entertainment:

The Master of Ceremonies will be Marv Albert. The party will be catered by Stephon Marbury's cousins. And, all evening long, there will be an open bar serving my favorite beverage, Zeke's Kool-Aid.

For your viewing pleasure, Isiah and his favorite journalist will box wearing inflatable gloves. And Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus will provide live entertainment featuring "Spontaneous" Nate Robinson.

For your listening pleasure, my band, "J.D. and the Straight Shot," will perform all of Isiah's favorite songs:

"I'm Stockpiling Assets"
"It's Still Layden's Fault"
"The West Side of Chicago"
"Excuses Are My Best Friend"
"Don't Blame Me--Blame Larry"
And, for our closing act, Isiah and Anucha Browne-Sanders will sing their favorite duet, "What, I Can't Get Any Love From You Today??"

Special Guests:

There will be special guest appearances by all the members of Isiah's "Golden Parachute Gang": Don Chaney, Dick Helm, Lenny Wilkens, Shandon Anderson, Jerome Williams, Maurice Taylor, and Jalen Rose. And Larry Brown will be signing autographs for a fee ($1,000) from inside his S-U-V while stopped at a red light.

Fundraiser:

There will be a charity auction fundraiser. The items up for auction will include:

Brooklyn Nets Season Tickets
The Continental Basketball Association
Tickets to the 2007 NBA Lottery in Secaucus, NJ
Tickets to the 2008 NBA Lottery in Secaucus, NJ
A "Scowl Towel" autographed by Stephon Marbury
All fundraiser proceeds will go to my favorite charities: The Larry Brown Settlement Society and The Luxury Tax Foundation.

Anniversary Party Place:

The Atlantic Basement in the Eastern Conference Room at Madison Square Garden.

Anniversary Party Date/Time:

We have a home game versus the Chicago Bulls the night of Isiah's 3-Year Anniversary. The party will begin as soon as the Bulls have a 20-point lead. The Knicks fan who boos Isiah the loudest will win a Bulls jersey autographed by Tyrus Thomas and Greg Oden.

How to RSVP:

RSVP by clicking the "Comments" icon below. The first 100 Knicks fans to RSVP will win a replica of Nazr Mohammed's San Antonio Spurs Championship Ring.

RSVP Deadline:

RSVP before Isiah completes his exit strategy or the Commissioner invokes the "best interests of basketball" clause to have me declared mentally incompetent.

Media Coverage:

Only two press passes will be issued for the event, one to Al Trautwig and one to Spike Lee. I have ordered the Greenburgh Police Department to arrest any reporter who tries to crash the party.

Closing Remarks:

When my daddy gave me a promotion and put me in charge of the family business, it was the 51st Greatest Moment at Madison Square Garden.

Hiring Scott Layden was the 52nd. The Allan Houston Contract was the 53rd. Losing Marv Albert was the 54th. Hiring Steve Mills was the 55th. And replacing Layden with Isiah was the 56th.

As proof of Isiah's greatness, here is a December 2003 quote from him, accurately predicting what his impact on the Knicks would be:

"The way the salary cap is set up today, mistakes are costly. If you come in and really don't assess properly and do your homework, you can set this franchise back further."

Come to Isiah's Anniversary Party, or you'll hear from my lawyers.

Yours truly,

James L. Dolan

******************

PS Please forward this invitation to every Knicks fan you know.

http://www.iloveisiah.com/

Isles I know you will be there !

Posted by Silverfuel:

Is this a joke? I am not anti-Isiah but come on! He isn't worthy of a party! This has to be a joke.

Man, you're not the only one who gets upset or even angry when people makes jokes about Isiah or Dolan. Stop it! This isn't congress and Dolan isn't the president of the US.

Posted by Allanfan20:

Posted by Silverfuel:

Is this a joke? I am not anti-Isiah but come on! He isn't worthy of a party! This has to be a joke.

Man, you're not the only one who gets upset or even angry when people makes jokes about Isiah or Dolan. Stop it! This isn't congress and Dolan isn't the president of the US.

WOAH! Who said I was angry?

Posted by Solace:

Look at those caps. You angry bastard. j/k

I AM NOT ANGRY! YOU ARE ANGRY! YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR ROID RAGE..

PS: j/k

[Edited by - Silverfuel on 12-11-2006 1:30 PM]

Posted by playa2:

Silver do you like isiah or something?

I like him a little more than you like JVG and I like Allan Houston.