FACE FAX: PAT'S BACK
By PETER VECSEY

June 4, 2006 -- THIS just in: Pat Riley faxed his Finals confirmation letter into the NBA.

Eighteen years removed from his last championship drive as the Lakers' coach, and a dozen since his Knicks' unsuccessful verdict on the Supreme Court, Padre Riles is overjoyed to learn this time he won't have to split the screen with O.J. and a white Bronco. Yo, Billy Cunningham and Shifty Schaffel, come on down to South Beach, it's really true; largely because the Miami Heat received major contribution from everyone in the vicinity, including several who just happened to wash ashore, your expansion franchise is playing in its first Larry O'Brien Love-In.

Far be it from me to reduce (bad choice of words) Shaq's 28 points and 16 rebounds to an afterthought, but wuz up with Jason Williams? After hovering around 37 percent (34-for-73) from the field in the first two rounds, White Heat went 23-for-42 against the Pistons (54.6 percent), including hitting his first 10 shots Friday night.

Had Williams played like this in Memphis, Hubie Brown, on the series scene handling color commentary duty for ABC and ESPN, wouldn't have been forced to start popping ill pills. Hasten Jason's last two games against Detroit: a dozen assists and one turnover. After Detroit's rub out, the University of Florida readmitted him and extended his eligibility.

Meanwhile, for the first time in three Junes, the Pistons have swooned. That's because when it counted, they were offensively un-provocative. Including Friday's 95-78 season-ending downer, they recorded 12 playoff games without reaching triple figures: five in the 70s, four in the 80s, three in the 90s.

Detroit shot less than 40 percent for the series, lowlighted by missing two of every three (mostly wide open) in Game 6. Couple that with Miami's better than break-even (51.5), and you see why Next Town Brown was a genius for getting out a year early.

Larry Brown is being given the silent treatment so many on guaranteed contracts have gotten before him.

"When they want to get rid of you in this league they ostracize you," a staunch supporter of the Hall of Fame coach underlines.

How much disrespect can the predictably fragile Brown take? It's not as if there's a deadline on such harassment, that it has to end any time soon, for that matter by the end of the summer. Isiah ("If you thought I was a Bad Boy, I'm a worse GM") Thomas is in no hurry to stop torturing Brown because he's prepared to replace him. At the team's recent scouting conclave at Hilton Head, S.C., where a dozen or so employees convened close to Thomas' vacation home (as opposed to saving roughly $25G by having the meeting in New York), Isiah said he's committed to playing Stephon Marbury and Steve Francis together. Hey, Francis isn't the problem; it's a time-honored fact Marbury can't play together with anyone.

"Stephon is the worst teammate I've ever had," Tim Thomas told me an hour after the Suns had eliminated the Clippers, echoing the sentiments of Jayson Williams, Keith Van Horn, Kurt Thomas and several Suns and Knicks who wish to remain anonymous. "We grew up together, yet the whole time I was with the Knicks he never talked to me. Not once. Not until I was traded did he say anything. When I was leaving he came over and gave me an I-Pod he'd bought as a going-away present. He even installed hip hop music. They don't come any weirder!"

*

How can I be so lame to have left off Marv Albert from the stretch-marked list of those James Dolan and Steve Mills have forced to leave the Knicks? Once Albert was ousted from the airwaves for refusing to forego or gloss over the truth about the team's weaknesses, it was clear nobody within the disorganization was above retribution.

Hiring Eric Musselman is a solid step in the right direction for the Kings. Still, I'm wondering how any coach inclined to maintain discipline is expected to deal with two wild cards, especially when one of them is Ron Artest and the other was expelled two playoffs ago from Memphis, where Musselman was Mike Fratello's top cat.

Rising free agent Bonzi Wells may have distinguished himself in Sacramento's opening round loss to San Antonio, but they don't come any more difficult to manage than the eternally angry Bonzi, whose body bursts with jealous bones.

The Maloof Brothers and El Presidente Geoff Petrie might want to check the tape of Artest and Stephen Jackson playing follow the leader into the Palace stands before pitting Ron-Ron with another undomesticated bull.

Regarding Musselman, his basketball acumen is a given. Had he remained on the Warriors' sidelines following the '03-'04 season, Golden State wouldn't have had to suffer through Mike Montgomery's Stanford-to-the-NBA still-in-school-learning process. What I particularly appreciate about Musselman is we didn't hear a peep out of him during his two seasons with the Grizzlies. Ex-head coaches often love to hear themselves talk and see their quotes in print. Eric knows his job and knew his place.

Nothing like presenting one of the all-time irrelevant NBA stats; the Heat's 0-2 record against both the Mavericks and the Suns, their either/or opponent when The Finals kick start out west June 8. Last time Miami opposed Dallas was Feb. 9. Last time Miami confronted Phoenix was Jan. 26. I believe Dave Wohl was the Heat's coach back in those days and Shaq had the mobility of the average Dade County retiree versus the on-the-catwalk, runway model look he's fashioning today.

Chauncey Billups' ignoble performance against the Heat only goes to prove Rick Pitino knew what he was doing by trading the rookie Feb. 18, 1998.

Think Mark Cuban might be tempted to reimburse suspended DJ Mbenga the loss of six games pay? Think the owner might find a way to refund the $48G the deactivated third string center got docked for breaching the Suns' stands where he had the backs of the owner and Avery Johnson's wife, who got into it with a couple fans? Should the Mavericks dispose of the Suns, think they could've used Mbenga's six fouls against Shaq? . . . Think the referees will ever call Shaq for a palm when backing into the paint?

Charles Barkley tied his record for repeating an, ahem, point when he said 16 times at one sitting, "Diop's playing great, but the Suns don't care." It's clear why the astute TV media finds his insights so appealing. Imagine if there was a TNT pregame before the National Spelling Bee. We would have heard Barkley say, "The key will be spelling the words right." And would the significant someone in Kenny Smith's ear please explain to him the difference betwee "emulate" and "simulate" before another convincing argument he wasted his Catholic High School and UNC education!

*

Barry Bonds came to town this weekend when the Giants visited Shea Stadium. To commemorate the occasion, the Mets planned to sell all beverages in specimen cups.

I like the part about TT saying Marbury was the worst teammate he ever had. The guy didn't talk to him at all. Steph is an arrogant SOB who thinks he is better than he is. He won't change either. I wish the Knicks could unload him but who is dumb enough to take him at his asking price?

come on guys, Steph did give Tim an Ipod

Posted by djsunyc:

i think this is a little more scary:

At the team's recent scouting conclave at Hilton Head, S.C., where a dozen or so employees convened close to Thomas' vacation home (as opposed to saving roughly $25G by having the meeting in New York), Isiah said he's committed to playing Stephon Marbury and Steve Francis together.

For all of Brown's machinations, I did not see any glimmer that Francis and Marbury could play together. And yes, where does that leave Crawford and Nate.

I agree with Steve & steph being a good back court. They just need to Run! And get a solid defensive 3 & 4. Does anyone here think francis can play as bad as he did last year again??? Q Rich also for that matter.We have a ok team just need some tweaks defensively.

Posted by bobs3304:

Steph and Steve will never work.


And I hope Isiah burns in hell.

Party in Hell planned for 6-6-06

Saturday, June 3, 2006; Posted: 8:40 p.m. EDT (00:40 GMT)



HELL, Michigan (AP) -- They're planning a hot time in Hell on Tuesday.

The day bears the date of 6-6-06, or abbreviated as 666 -- a number that carries hellish significance.

And there's not a snowball's chance in Hell that the day will go unnoticed in the unincorporated hamlet 60 miles west of Detroit.

Nobody is more fired up than John Colone, the town's self-styled mayor and owner of a souvenir shop.

"I've got `666' T-shirts and mugs. I'm only ordering 666 (of the items) so once they're gone, that's it," said Colone, also known as Odum Plenty. "Everyone who comes will get a letter of authenticity saying you've celebrated June 6, 2006, in Hell."

Most of Colone's wares will sell for $6.66, including deeds to one square inch of Hell.

Live entertainment and a costume contest are planned. The Gates of Hell should be installed at a children's play area in time for the festivities.

"They're 8 feet tall and 5 foot wide and each gate looks like flames, and when they're closed, it's a devil's head," Colone told The Detroit News for a Saturday story.

Mike "Smitty" Hickey, owner of the Dam Site Inn, wasn't sure what kind of clientele would show up Tuesday.

"We're all about having fun here. I don't think we're going to get the cult crowd, the devil worshippers or anything like that," said Hickey, whose bar's signature concoction is the Bloody Devil, a variant of the Bloody Mary.

Colone, meanwhile, has been in touch with radio stations as far away as San Diego and Seattle that are raffling off trips to Hell in honor of 6-6-6.

The 666 revelry is just the latest chapter in the town's storied history of publicity stunts, said Jason LeTeff, one of its 72 year-round residents -- or, as the mayor calls them, Hellions or Hell-billies. But LeTeff wasn't particularly enthused.

"Now, here I am living in Hell, taking my kids to church and trying to teach them the right things and the town where we live is having a 6-6-6 party," he said.

According to the town's semiofficial Web site, there are two leading theories about how Hell got its name.

The first holds that a pair of German travelers stepped out of a stagecoach one sunny afternoon in the 1830s, and one said to the other, "So schoene hell" -- roughly translated as, "So bright and beautiful." Their comments were overheard by some locals and the name stuck.

The second holds that George Reeves was asked after Michigan gained statehood what he thought the town he helped settle should be called, and reportedly replied, "I don't care, you can name it Hell if you want to." The name became official on October 13, 1841.

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.