DRESS FOR DISTRESS
By PETER VECSEY

"Now days everybody opens their mouth like they got somethin' to say. But nothin' comes out when they move their lips, just a bunch of gibberish."

— Eminem


LIKE, woe.

NBA players are still staggering around slurring speeches worse than their shots from the direct hit they took earlier this week. David Stern, the devil incarnate, rocked their round of "chronic" privilege with the two nastiest words imaginable.

No, not "paternity test."

Though, judging by the resulting hysterics, you would have thought the commissioner had told them how many kids they were limited to each season out of wedlock.

Seems the phrase Stern had the unprofessional impudence to utter was "dress code" — a demand his citizenry "Dress For Success, not Dress To Confess." Upon hearing the emperor's take on clothes, shock enveloped the land. Just like that, numerous members of the rank and file voiced the kind of outrage normally reserved for, say, more crucial causes.

If nothing else, NBA players are all about passionately getting involved in matters that pertain strictly to themselves. Whenever the pitched battle is over money they're prepared to lay down in front of a tank or dress up in high heeled sneakers in order to get their way.

On the other hand, don't count on too many of these righteous ballers (there's Etan Thomas and Steve Nash) to get publicly lathered up or take a stand one way or the other regarding hot-button topics such as the Iraq war, abortion, stem cell research, educational (urban vs. suburban) inequities, etc. Not that NBA players are stingy with their riches and their precious time; many constantly give to the ravaged and the destitute without prompting or an accompanying press release. Recent calamities throughout the world bear witness to that.

That's what makes their shrill dissent against Stern's dastardly dress code so sad. Such silliness diminishes all the good they do, if not drown out altogether the charities they support, the schools and hospitals they visit, the homeless people from Louisiana and Mississippi they're housing in their respective cities, the Thanksgiving dinners they buy for the impoverished, the presents they put under the tress of the less fortunate at Christmas, the capital they help raise to fight disease.

It's not like NBA players never have a grip on reality; sometimes it just seems that way. Many understand how blessed they are to be cashing in on the NBA's popularity. Many who live sumptuously above the rent problem understand how to play Stern's game and do their small part to goose the image of the Golden Goose. Understand there are rules they must abide by that go along with being part of this fabulous fraternity that flies charter, whose average salary is $5 million and whose per diem is $102. Understand that the rewards far outdistance and outweigh the burden of wearing appropriate attire in the arena if not in uniform, and looking presentable doing business for the team or the league.

And then there's Stephen Jackson, Marcus Camby, Tim Duncan, Allen Iverson, Greg Ostertag and dozens of other whimpering rebels; obviously their problems in life are too few. Wearing a sports jacket and clean jeans while representing appears to be too much of an ordeal for them to handle; support groups are hastily being mustered. Evidently they never would've approved the new Collective Bargaining Agreement had they realized they'd be forced to be slaves to such fashion.

No wonder the only time you ever see many of these guys dressing like professionals is the night they turn professional — before they've actually embraced employment.

Who do you think will be the first to quit the NBA in protest?

Iverson's already on the record as accepting the imposition as opposed to being fined or suspended. Perhaps it'll be Stephen Jackson, who did wonders to enhance the reputation of the league during that infamous meet-and-greet in the stands last November in Auburn Hills, decided the bans on chains worn over clothing was "a racist statement."

That's right, Stephen, another example of the commish keeping the black man down.

Or maybe Vince Carter. "I just think people should be able to express themselves," he said, presumably after taking off the iPod during warm-ups.Yo, Vince, you get 48 minutes a night to do just that.

Then again, Neiman Marcus may be compelled to vacate, since he's struggling by in the Mile High on a mere $10M.

"I don't see it happening unless every NBA player is given a stipend to buy clothes," Camby said.

There's a quote so lame, I immediately order Marcus to the nearest Big and Tall Shop, size extra stupid.

Good news for the gang — the dreadful dress code doesn't go into effect until Opening Night, Nov. 1, meaning the players can dress like it's Halloween for 10 more days.

Oh, yeah, to simplify things, the commissioner has divided "business casual" into a player's four most popular social settings — arrest, arraignment, trial and sentencing.

TOP TEN LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT THE NEW NBA DRESS CODE:

10. Players not in uniform may wear bathrobe and slippers to games on school nights.

9. Each team is required to hold a Neiman Marcus Clothing Stipend Night.

8. Stern was wearing a Dick Butkus throwback jersey while formulating plans for dress code.

7. Kobe will donate all the suits he wore during his rape trial to victims from Hurricane David.

6. Rasheed Wallace may still don earphones during post game press conferences as long as he is tuned to National Public Radio.

5. Each team will be granted a $1.5M exception for a team seamstress.

4. Do-rags now officially referred to as don't-rags.

3. Players must appear buck naked during all team showers.

2. Players not allowed to wear dresses, with the exception of Larry Johnson Night.

l. Phil Jackson will be allowed to wear his book jacket when coaching at the Staples Center.




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Vescey is an idiot, but I do agree with his views on this subject

I tried reading it and stopped mid stream. I just can't stand the guy anymore. This shtick is getting really old.

It's pretty pathetic that guy in his 60's has to google emminem lyrics to feel relevant...

And while I agree with most of Iversons retort on the issue, I think he should be given a free pass. Not real I know, but compared to Stephan Jax, whom I beleive is serving some parole for his "meet and great" in Detroit, his comments about chains being "racist" might be a bit strong.

Maybe the NBA can't figure out a way to keep these players from "harms way", but is attempting to put a better looking wrapper on it.

Personally I find wearing $50,000 chains to be an over the top garish display of wealth. The "hip hop" style of such a display of wealth is very "in your face" and does send a message to its core audience of urban youth. I find that display where Maddonna and other hollywood types wearing mega expensive religious to be completly out of line and vulgar. This regardless of race!

With the fights, and other negative exposure it might be evident that NBA platform makes some nice off the court endorment opportunities for some of these players. Most seem to not fight it but recognize the franchise platform is not exactly getting the good publicity and if the league should falter backwards and get less tv ratings, less attendance, and less corp. sponserships (what really drives the machine by the way), then salary cap will drop back, and players will make less money.

Tony Allan in Boston is in some deep trouble. Bar fights and shootings involving players and/or their posse seen by the public is not much different from some rap artist involved in similar events. NFL has similar problems also, its not just the NBA. The NFL does not push its players as the stars as much as the Teams. The NBA rode the Magic/Bird era, the Jordan Era, and now the Lebron era and sees that any more high profile events like what Kobe goes thru can have some very bad long term effects. Murder and Rape kinda turns people off. Kinda hard for Pepsi to pay 10 mil a year for the arena rights and have Carmello staring in a DVD boasting about taking care of snitches! Not the kinda crowd that sells soft drinks.

This "Code" is does not stop the problem, and AI is right about the clothing, but he has enjoyed a nice endorsement career despite his minor scuffles with the law. His pardon of a fight he was involved with by the govener of Virginia allowed him to go to Georgetown and prove he can be coachable. Nobody would have touched him for the NBA if not for able to play 2 years under thompson and get his endorsement. Would have been a shame had he fallen into the legend catorgory of players who could not get it together despite the talent. Allan has had to compromise many times to get what he wants and I think both the league and him have done will with it.

Hence, while this dress think is on the surface a charade, it has meaning that most players understand and most don't have a problem with! I guess when the NBA buying public and its endorsements are having a problem distinguishing between hip-hop gangster rap artists and the look alike NBA player, then the league must do somthing to protect its image. If they are successful, then the players will be successful also!

Im not saying I agree with it all, but I understand why.

[Edited by - nalod on 10-21-2005 12:08 PM]

Peter vesey needs his ars kicked

Vescey might be over the top sometimes, and I often find it difficult to read his column, but I totally agree with his premise in this case, and I think for the most part he did a good job making his case.

I think the best point he makes is that if just a couple of big-name players speak out against what the majority of hardworking, ordinary fans perceive to be a very fair and reasonable dress code that merely puts NBA players in line with the rest of society, then all the players look stupid.

Here is something I posted a few days ago on another forum:

It's incredible that this is even an issue. These guys make absurd money and complain that they have to put on conservative clothes for team-related (i.e. business) functions? Yeah, they've got my full sympathy in their cause.

Stern has done the right thing. I know I sound square and old-fashioned, but if some of the players feel it is an unfair burden for them to wear the type of attire Stern has mandated, let them consider toiling in the "real" world, where most bosses do have dress standards for their employees. And the type of less conservative garb many NBA players wear on the bench and on the airplane would not be tolerated, as most of us realize.

I've had jobs where I didn't have to deal with the public very much, but once in a while my boss would tell us that on a particular day, some people will be coming over to the office, so please dress a little nicer than usual. No big deal, and very understandable. So if an NBA player is sitting on the bench in front of 20,000 fans and a huge TV audience, shouldn't a boss have the right to make a similar request?

The NBA is not saying its players cannot dress as they please when on their own time. The league, like any other employer, is merely saying that when on the job, you will dress in a professionally acceptable manner.

This is simply how the world works, and it sounds very reasonable to me.

Posted by bobs3304:

Oh, shut up.

Jesus.

Woww, Vescey is such a big bad monster.

If you're gonna complain about something...complain when he's FACTUALLY wrong.

Anything else is his opinion, and it's your right to completely ignore him.

Personally, I think most of his stuff is kind of funny, even when he's bashing the Knicks.

If NY was winning and going deep into the playoffs, his tune would change completely and do a 360.



[Edited by - bobs3304 on 10-22-2005 02:54 AM]

When they actually do start winning, many will change their tone. Writers are not fans that will project or hope our youth will pan out, and that we made moves for the future, they report the "Now".

The casual fan is about the "now" and can understand most things.

Vescey has become a "humorist" thru the years. He long left any reponsable journalism long ago.

There are just as many, if not more, guys in suits who are criminals as there are guys in NBA jerseys wearing sunglasses indoors who are criminals.

[Edited by - Knight on 10-22-2005 11:28 AM]

PresIke was exactly right when he wrote, "The question which is being avoided is WHY is this rule being instituted at all??"

There is no question Stern has the power or "right" to enforce a dress code, but it is not clear exactly why. There must be some benefit other than that ignorant people have prejudices against certain ways of dressing...but that's the only reason I see and it is hardly a reason to change your policy. Clothes are not just "clothes"--they identify you in many respects especially when it comes to your cultural background. To have your wife, children, family and friends see you on tv dressed as somebody you are not would be a bit distressing to me. Most of the NBA players probably get nauseous if they think of themselves dressed as typical frat boys.



[Edited by - Knight on 10-22-2005 1:27 PM]

Posted by joec32033:

Posted by Knight:

PresIke was exactly right when he wrote, "The question which is being avoided is WHY is this rule being instituted at all??"

There is no question Stern has the power or "right" to enforce a dress code, but it is not clear exactly why. There must be some benefit other than that ignorant people have prejudices against certain ways of dressing...but that's the only reason I see and it is hardly a reason to change your policy. Clothes are not just "clothes"--they identify you in many respects especially when it comes to your cultural background. To have your wife, children, family and friends see you on tv dressed as somebody you are not would be a bit distressing to me. Most of the NBA players probably get nauseous if they think of themselves dressed as typical frat boys.



[Edited by - Knight on 10-22-2005 1:27 PM]

I fall back on my previous example of JP Morgan. Why do they have a dress code? Why does McDonald's? Subway? Goldman & Sach's? Why are uniforms in schools? You can make the same argument in any industry or educational institution. The reason that the NBA has given is the best that can be given, and there is no real reason they have to give.

Because they want to squash your individual identity in favor of a kind of collectivism where everyone is working together towards the same goal. I don't see how dressing a certain way after an NBA game has anything to do with those organizational models.