This one's for Marv..

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go home."

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."

A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods...

Bear: Mr. Rabbit, may I ask you a personal question?

Rabbit: Certainly Mr. Bear.

Bear: How is it that you keep your fur so nice and clean and white? Don't you have problems with sht sticking to your rur?

Rabbit: Why, that’s simple Mr. Bear, sht doesn’t stick to rabbit fur.

Bear: Really?

So the bear proceeded to wipe his ass with him!

Posted by TMS:

u got that straight outta Eddie Murphy Delirious, didn't u?

I love that Joke ''... I thought I heard it in a Tarantino movie once.

“Bush lied to me. He said we’ve got to go to Iraq because they’re the most dangerous country on earth. If they’re so dangerous, how come it only took two weeks to take over the whole country? You couldn’t take over Baltimore in two weeks.” -Chris Rock

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub
and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but
serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three
more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and
drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is
whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of
the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why
you always order three beers?" "Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You
see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to
Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two
beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and
soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source
of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come
to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender
pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the
evening. He orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are
offered for the soul of one of the brothers. The next day, the bartender
says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer
condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know-the two beers
and all.

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear
that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, meself, have
decided to give up drinking for Lent."