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OT: can i buy you a drink?
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Solace
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6/6/2007  2:16 PM
Posted by Bonn1997:
Posted by bitty41:

I think some of you are trying to overanalyze as a way to explain away your behavior. I'm 25 and I grew up in a family of 3 strong older sisters and of course my mother. Now were all very indpendent I didn't grow up in a household were I was pretty much being bred to get married one day and have children. So im not a "daddy's little princess".

When it comes to dating the whole issue of who pays is more about showing some class. Sure you can be a cheap bastard if you want make the woman pay and shout "hey its the 21st century get with the program" but at the end of the day you still come off as cheap and not someone to be taken seriously for dating. But I am not in anyway absolving women you try to take advantage for free meals, drinks, and movie tickets.
Having each person pay for themselves qualifies as a cheap bastard? Wow; you make it sound like the guy is asking the woman to pay for him too!

I think whoever asks the other out should pay for the first date (usually the guy). After that, work out an agreement. A woman who expects me to pay for EVERY date can go to hell. I'm even mostly okay for paying for 2 out of 3 meals and have her pay for mine the other 1 out of 3, to tilt the curve in the woman's favor. Her paying for my meal once in a while is a nice gesture, even though it's not even. What I hate is when I have to pay more or all EVERY time (like with my ex). That disgusts me and makes me feel used.

[Edited by - Solace on Jun 06 2007 2:17 PM]
Wishing everyone well. I enjoyed posting here for a while, but as I matured I realized this forum isn't for me. We all evolve. Thanks for the memories everyone.
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bitty41
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6/6/2007  2:18 PM
Having each person pay for themselves qualifies as a cheap bastard? Wow; you make it sound like the guy is asking the woman to pay for him too!

Hold on thats not what im saying im just putting it in the context that a guy approaches a woman asks her out to dinner than turns around and expects her to pay. Obviously this is in a romantic setting not just a co-worker asking someone to join them for dinner or asking a female friend if she would like to grab a bite to eat. More of im trying to let you know that "I find you attractive and interesting so Im asking you to have dinner with me".
Pharzeone
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6/6/2007  2:35 PM
Posted by bitty41:

I think some of you are trying to overanalyze as a way to explain away your behavior. I'm 25 and I grew up in a family of 3 strong older sisters and of course my mother. Now were all very indpendent I didn't grow up in a household were I was pretty much being bred to get married one day and have children. So im not a "daddy's little princess".

When it comes to dating the whole issue of who pays is more about showing some class. Sure you can be a cheap bastard if you want make the woman pay and shout "hey its the 21st century get with the program" but at the end of the day you still come off as cheap and not someone to be taken seriously for dating. But I am not in anyway absolving women you try to take advantage for free meals, drinks, and movie tickets.

I think women want their cake and would like to eat it for free. I am an equal opportunity type of guy. I don't mind paying for dates but it would be nice to be treated just as nicely. I seem to be attractive to "high maintenance" women, so it is difficult for me to complain to much. But it is indeed a double-standard that can make me feel like a sucker sometimes. LOL, I would like to save money as much as any woman. And Bitty, I do use the 21st century line. If you want to wear the pants, you got to pay the bills too.
I don't like to play bad rookies , I like to play good rookies - Mike D'Antoni
Pharzeone
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6/6/2007  2:38 PM
Posted by Solace:
Posted by EnySpree:

Some good stuff here.

I have no problem buying a drink for a female that I'm talking too. If we are talking split, and find each other later and things are still cool, ok then why not?

Dude if a female buys me a drink I'm proposing to her on the spot! How rare is that?

I have a few female friends some I have been intimate with some I haven't. What remains the same is that they all expect me to pay for them if we are hanging out. If I go out with my guy friends do should I pay too? Ight well sometimes a guy friend might pay the bill, etc buy then I got it next time. Same **** should apply to female friends.

Bills. Women act like they are the only ones that have them. Just the othe day I called an ex that I still talk to. We been broken up for 8 years now. I asked if she wanted to go to the movies and she was like yeah then we can eat or something. I'm like its not a date, so she passes saying she is broke. Come on man. Its every single time I ask her. If she does pay I wind up paying the majority and she takes on the tip.

Man this some bull****. Maybe I need to stop meeting broke people.

It's not broke people. It's women. Not all women, though, but the average woman, yes. I've had this with female friends over time, where they have expectations of getting a free meal or drink because they're female. Female coworkers are the exception; they don't pull that for whatever reason. But friends, yes. Girlfriends, even worse. I hate when I'm asked to pay when it's NOT a date. Or when it is a date and they know you're paying, so they spend MUCH MORE than they would've if you weren't paying. You hear excuses like, "oh i'm so broke. I can't afford it." Then you see them buy two packs of cigarettes in one night and spend $5 on lotto, while holding one of her eight $100 pocketbooks. Lying b!tch.

If not for my current girlfriend, I would've lost all faith in women.
[quote]Posted by Nalod:

A women who offers to pay before you could even offer is really telling you she will not beheld to any obligation at that moment and your just lucky she did not bolt out the bathroom window. That or the bars on the window kept her in.

This is VERY true. At least for a first date. I had it happen to me, once (my first date ever), that the woman (or should I say girl?) was absolutely INSISTING on paying. I didn't let her... and about half an hour later realized why she was insisting so much. I later found out that she only went out on the date to honor our agreement to go out two weeks earlier, and had already met another guy she liked a few days before, but went out with me instead of admitting the truth (I found out from her brother, who is a buddy of mine). So much for being upfront and saving embarassment.

Any woman who offers to pay for a first date that you approach her about is indeed not interested or testing you.
I don't like to play bad rookies , I like to play good rookies - Mike D'Antoni
Nalod
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6/6/2007  2:38 PM
I think it depends on who is inviting whom. If your asking a women to join you for dinner then you should pay. If its a friendly "hey lets grab a bite" then it should be split. IF the Lady is asking the guy she should pay.

I think its inherent despite the shroud of "equality" that as women wants to be with someone that will be generous with themselves, and money, and that a women wants to feel "safe". By that, trust the man she is considering perhaps being intimate with. If you can't trust, the relationship goes nowhere. Im not talking about a hook up or buying a drink to get laid, but for dating sake.

Deception is a real buzz kill. NOw if the women wants just a free meal or a drink most guys can smell the BullSh!t pretty quick. If a women insists on paying, Let her pay and free up any obligation. It also shows that you don't always have to be in charge. SOme women want that and need independence and not be obliged. Thats cool too, if its a good date you then insist you pay for the next one! If no next one then you got a free meal and can label the women a "lesbian" for not liking you!

Nalod "the ladies man" Man
djsunyc
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6/6/2007  2:44 PM
Posted by Nalod:

I think it depends on who is inviting whom. If your asking a women to join you for dinner then you should pay. If its a friendly "hey lets grab a bite" then it should be split. IF the Lady is asking the guy she should pay.

I think its inherent despite the shroud of "equality" that as women wants to be with someone that will be generous with themselves, and money, and that a women wants to feel "safe". By that, trust the man she is considering perhaps being intimate with. If you can't trust, the relationship goes nowhere. Im not talking about a hook up or buying a drink to get laid, but for dating sake.

Deception is a real buzz kill. NOw if the women wants just a free meal or a drink most guys can smell the BullSh!t pretty quick. If a women insists on paying, Let her pay and free up any obligation. It also shows that you don't always have to be in charge. SOme women want that and need independence and not be obliged. Thats cool too, if its a good date you then insist you pay for the next one! If no next one then you got a free meal and can label the women a "lesbian" for not liking you!

Nalod "the ladies man" Man

is this what you'll be teaching in the middle east to bring peace to the world? we all know the root of all of that stuff was over a dinner tab...
Bonn1997
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6/6/2007  2:48 PM
Posted by bitty41:
Having each person pay for themselves qualifies as a cheap bastard? Wow; you make it sound like the guy is asking the woman to pay for him too!

Hold on thats not what im saying im just putting it in the context that a guy approaches a woman asks her out to dinner than turns around and expects her to pay. Obviously this is in a romantic setting not just a co-worker asking someone to join them for dinner or asking a female friend if she would like to grab a bite to eat. More of im trying to let you know that "I find you attractive and interesting so Im asking you to have dinner with me".
Fair enough. I've always taken it more gradual and first said something like, "We should grab a coffee" (or have lunch). Then depending on how that goes, I might a few days later say "I enjoyed coffee. We should have dinner next week at XXX." Maybe it's a completely trivial distinction but I don't even view that as *asking*; it's more proposing an idea and seeing her reaction.
bitty41
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6/6/2007  2:56 PM
Situations that I'll pay:

If I know im absolutely not interested in going out with him again.
If I know he's on a tight budget working through school that type of thing.
If he's paid for me before maybe the previous date he took me out.
If we're still working through the whole do we want to be friend or lovers stage.

Pampering should go both ways sometimes its nice for the guy to pamper and sometimes you should pamper your man.
newyorknewyork
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6/6/2007  3:03 PM
I couldn't bring myself to make a women pay for anything on the first date. But then again I wouldn't pursue a date unless I had a good amount of cash on me.

.

The beef I have though is women thinking they should get away with whatever they want and do what ever they want. And as long as they throw sex the mans way it makes up for it.

In a relationship If a women makes a mistake she expects just to throw sex the mans way and it should be forgiven. But if a man makes a mistake sex isn't an option. Instead he would have to either break the bank or something along those lines.
Posted by Allanfan20:

I'm fine with the romance, but when the girl comes to expect the guy to go out of his way to do a lot of stuff while most of the time, the girl just sits to enjoy it and says "But he'll get sex" even though she knows perfectly well she wants sex too.

Maybe that's just a Long Island thing, but it's something I've observed from many women. Not from ALL, but from MANY, and I don't wish to be around a girl like that, and if it means I'll never be with a girl, then so be it.

No it isn't just a Long Island thing. Its an American thing. Women expect men to bend over backwards for sex. Knowing damn well that they want it just as bad though. The main reason most young adults get into relationships when they are young is to have sex on a regular basis. And even though women want it just as bad and even NEED it more then men. They want men to bend over backwards. And a lot of that has to do wiht the fact that a womens *stuff* will allways be more valued than a mans *stuff* because a womens *stuff* get *worn out* over time while a man stuff stays the same no matter how many times he has had sex. Plus the risk of her having to carry a baby and give birh. Then there is the issue of men playing women out which makes them very insecure. While I don't really have a problem with women making guys bend over backwards as I agree with them making men earn it as well. But damn there insecurities really makes its harder for a good guy like

The beef I have though is women thinking they should get away with whatever they want and/or do/say what ever they want. And as long as they throw sex the mans way it makes up for it.

Or in a relationship If a women makes a mistake she expects just to throw sex the mans way, and that should make it all better and everything should be forgiven. But if a man makes a mistake sex isn't an option. Instead he would have to either break the bank or something along those lines.
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newyorknewyork
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6/6/2007  3:10 PM
What I also find funny about women. Is if a man cheats on a women he is a dog and all that other stuff. But if a women cheats on a man its because the man didn't satisfy her enough.

I remember watching 2 music videos. I forgot the artist. But the first music video is the man didn't give her enough attention so she played him with another man. Then the next music video by the same artist was about how she caught her boyfriend cheating on her with another women and how he is a dog and a liar and all that.

For the record I don't believe in cheating.
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kam77
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6/6/2007  5:10 PM
You hear excuses like, "oh i'm so broke. I can't afford it." Then you see them buy two packs of cigarettes in one night and spend $5 on lotto, while holding one of her eight $100 pocketbooks. Lying b!tch.

Why do you think they're broke? Cigarettes and a shopping addiction don't come cheap these days.

I'm old school.. I always pay because i'm the man. If a woman offers to pay, i thank her but then gently put her in her place. I tell her its not how its done, and that she can pay for the movie tickets, or she can pay the tip, or dessert if she insists. But if i'm asking her out.. or even if she's asking me... i feel more comfortable paying.

Think about it, if she pays, then you are emasculated. She might as well pick you up and carry you across the altar. If i pay, then it says something about my ability to provide for myself and possibly her and our kids down the road (biological trigger woman cannot defend against). That i have so much, i can be generous. This is key... not just with money... but with anything except time. Be very generous with all your resources except for your time but don't expect anything in return. Women melt over that. Women love it when men are chivalrous and aren't "after" something.

By the way, not every date has to be an expensive affair. Maybe you need to get more creative and less boxed into the Dinner/Concert thing.

A picnic in the park costs how much? Its something she can brag about to her girlfriends.. hey my man took me to the park it was romantic.. blah freakin blah... Believe me, she aint bragging about how large the bill was last night that you picked up. So don't be a hero. Pretend to be one. Give everything you can give that isn't really important. Pay for the entirety of a mid-priced meal instead of fighting over a high-priced one.

Give her the impression that you don't need her, but that if you're together, she doesn't need anything else.

[Edited by - kam77 on 06-06-2007 5:12 PM]
lol @ being BANNED by Martin since 11/07/10 (for asking if Mr. Earl had a point). Really, Martin? C'mon. This is the internet. I've seen much worse on this site. By Earl himself. Drop the hypocrisy.
EnySpree
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6/13/2007  9:27 AM
I'm going out with this chic I haven't seen in like 3 years. We were dating for a couple of months and parted ways cuz we annoyed each other, Lol.

Anyway I thought of this thread and figured why not see if I experience any of the non-sense we talked about here.

I asked her to join me so its my pleaure to treat. Will she offer to pay for anything? Will I let her? Will she over endulge cuz I'm treating? Will we even have a good time? If we do will eny get some lovin? Or will i remember why I couldn't stand her in the first place?

Lol. Just thought it would be fun. Its perfect for my argument. Is this a date? Or are we just old friends hanging out?

Mmmwahahahahaha
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Marv
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6/13/2007  9:33 AM
Posted by EnySpree:

I'm going out with this chic I haven't seen in like 3 years. We were dating for a couple of months and parted ways cuz we annoyed each other, Lol.

Anyway I thought of this thread and figured why not see if I experience any of the non-sense we talked about here.

I asked her to join me so its my pleaure to treat. Will she offer to pay for anything? Will I let her? Will she over endulge cuz I'm treating? Will we even have a good time? If we do will eny get some lovin? Or will i remember why I couldn't stand her in the first place?

Lol. Just thought it would be fun. Its perfect for my argument. Is this a date? Or are we just old friends hanging out?

Mmmwahahahahaha

my prediction:

a. she pays some but you pay most.

b. lots of flirting on both sides.

c. major alcohol consumption.

d. you bang her.

e. mutual annoyance ensues.

f. 3 years from now - lather rinse and repeat.
martin
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6/13/2007  10:13 AM
be the uber geek and post to this thread during the date. Be savy enough to not let her know.

reality-based dating on UK.com
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EnySpree
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6/13/2007  10:16 AM
Posted by Marv:
Posted by EnySpree:

I'm going out with this chic I haven't seen in like 3 years. We were dating for a couple of months and parted ways cuz we annoyed each other, Lol.

Anyway I thought of this thread and figured why not see if I experience any of the non-sense we talked about here.

I asked her to join me so its my pleaure to treat. Will she offer to pay for anything? Will I let her? Will she over endulge cuz I'm treating? Will we even have a good time? If we do will eny get some lovin? Or will i remember why I couldn't stand her in the first place?

Lol. Just thought it would be fun. Its perfect for my argument. Is this a date? Or are we just old friends hanging out?

Mmmwahahahahaha

my prediction:

a. she pays some but you pay most.

b. lots of flirting on both sides.

c. major alcohol consumption.

d. you bang her.

e. mutual annoyance ensues.

f. 3 years from now - lather rinse and repeat.

That's definately the routine. Been there done that just trying to do a little something for the sake of science. Research and development.

[Edited by - enyspree on 13-06-2007 10:29 AM]
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TMS
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6/13/2007  11:38 AM
i agree w/bitty in general on this... if i ask a girl out on a date, i'm doing it expecting to pay for most of the night... whether she offers to pay or not will help me to determine whether or not to ask her out on a second date... i don't date any money grubbing moochers, just like most chicks don't wanna date no money having losers.
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TMS
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6/13/2007  11:41 AM
as for paying for a female friend who i'm just hanging out with on a non-date, just pay for your half & hand her the check... don't make it overly complicated... girls i know don't mind paying their share because it makes them feel like they don't owe you anything... the ones that do are the ones i try to avoid.
After 7 years & 40K+ posts, banned by martin for calling Nalod a 'moron'. Awesome.
djsunyc
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6/13/2007  11:56 AM
you gotta kick it old school...
Nalod
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6/13/2007  12:10 PM
Posted by Bonn1997:
Posted by bitty41:
Having each person pay for themselves qualifies as a cheap bastard? Wow; you make it sound like the guy is asking the woman to pay for him too!

Hold on thats not what im saying im just putting it in the context that a guy approaches a woman asks her out to dinner than turns around and expects her to pay. Obviously this is in a romantic setting not just a co-worker asking someone to join them for dinner or asking a female friend if she would like to grab a bite to eat. More of im trying to let you know that "I find you attractive and interesting so Im asking you to have dinner with me".
Fair enough. I've always taken it more gradual and first said something like, "We should grab a coffee" (or have lunch). Then depending on how that goes, I might a few days later say "I enjoyed coffee. We should have dinner next week at XXX." Maybe it's a completely trivial distinction but I don't even view that as *asking*; it's more proposing an idea and seeing her reaction.

Check out Bonn3po offering is his time tested methoed to procratination of rejectiion which leads to masterbation.

Bonn: We should grab a coffie!
Bonn chick: Um, yeah, Ok.

Next week:

Bonn: "hey how about that Carmel Machiato Latte supreme! That was so yummy! Hey, How about dinner! I know a great little Indonisian joint that serves up a curried Yak tenderloin that is to die for!"
Bonn Chick: "Uh, hey, im traveling next week to see my parents, so Im kinda of busy"!

Bonn: "Oh, How about the week after".
Bonn Chick: Uh, ok. Sure, call me then.

Week 3.

Bonn" Hey, how was your trip to see your parents?"
Bonn Chich: "Oh, Bonn, its you, yeah, my trip to Erie PA to see Paraplegic Dad and Diabetic Mom was a freaking gas, really lifts my spirits! Then you called which is my only romantic possiblity and now Im looking at whats in my medicine cabinet that I can kill myself with!"
Bonn: "Ha, you've got a great sense of humor! Hey, how about that exotic curried yak I promised you! My treat too!"
Bonnchick: Hey listen, your a nice little fella, and maybe in another time and place, but, uh, well, yeah, I kinda thought about us and, uh, well back home I kinda got back together with my old boyfriend, the guy who used to kinda bounch me around a little, and yeah, he said he has changed, so those nice pep talks over coffee really did remind me why I was with him to begin with.
So we still friends right?

Bonn: Do you have a sister?
ExBonnChick: Your so nice! Sign my new cast would you??
Bonn: What happened?
Exbonnchick: Oh it was my fault, my boyfriend threw a lamp at me and it was my fault my arm got hurt!
Silly me, I instinctively tried to block it. He said he was not throwing it at my head and I were paying better attention I would have ducked instead! Silly me!
Bonn: Oh, yeah, I'll sign it!
ExBonnChick: Your so nice!
playa2
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6/13/2007  12:17 PM
Posted by EnySpree:

So bitty is saying I should have bought the girl a drink? Hmmmm. I still say no. These are balls in my sac here buddy boy.....maybe that's why they are blue. Mmmmwahahahaha.

Well the older guys at my job were all saying by the drink and basically stalk her all night. They say mix and mingle and eventually someone will take the bait. Most of the guys around my age said to hell with that! So is buying a woman a drink an old school thing? I'm still think that whold thing is for desperate cornballs.

Need more info. Does not compute.


Ask a "PLAYA" how to approach a young lady with the drink proposal.


#1 she must be someone you would normaly not approach(looks good) makes it wort it, that in itself is worth the challenge.

Concerning beautiful women, guys are afraid to approach fearing rejection but that tells the women you must be someone of substance- either you got dough or you have something she might be intrested in.

So you slide her way and ask her are you here with anyone, if she says no, ask her may I join you and before she can answer you, ask her what she's drinking tonight. That alone will get your foot in the door the rest is up to you on how tight your game is.

P.S make sure you are smelling Suave and well groomed for maximum results.

ASK A PLAYA INC WORLDWIDE ADVICE call 800 ask-playa

Endorsed and Highly recommended -HITCH



[Edited by - playa2 on 13-06-2007 12:20]
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