Posted by fishmike:
Nalod totally got lost some chick he had the wicked hots for to a raw veggan mine into zombie flicks. Its so obvious.
Sorry it was at another poster's expense but Nalod's vegan rant may have been one of the funniest things I have read all month
Her name was Sky Moon. Quiet girl, as mimes can often be. Me, im a capitalist democrat pig. I met her one day in the health food store. It was recommneded to me that aromatheropy might help my ranting a bit and a scent candle might get me centered again. Being of above average libido, I was aroused by the baggy pants, burlap shoes, and camo tank top. At first, I thought her a bull dyke, but the svelt pale body swelling with musk told me otherwise. WE met at the organic microbiotic vegitable isle and she caught me fainting at the 5 dollar cabbages! She smiled and said my silk tie was wonderful if it were not for the tourtured enslaved spiders that had spun for my sins! My lizard skin shoes too were offensive as she too had lobbied hard to free the Bud-wise-Eer lizards form the clutches of commercial abuse! Oh then she smiled a crooked smile and she had me at "you meat eating pig"!
I smiled, and suggested I drive her home. ONce in my fine new Jag the waf of fine connolly proving to be her weakness, she took me to her apartment. She offered me some green tea and some brown matter thing she called a "cookie". We talked about her causes (naturally). She was moving closer to me and the subject of what kind of meat I like to eat. I sneared and said "Chicken!" . She squirmed in delight and I knew this was my chance to make it with a Raw Vegen chick. She said "the men in my world don't eat "chicken" and with a Col. Sanders southern charm replied "why thats just shame"!
WE burned incense and had an incredible meeting of the souls! Seeing that "Chicken" was a big hit she tried a bit of the forbidden protien herself! We talked later about the need for protien as I had noticed her crooked smile was caused by some tooth loss and she said that was just the price for not eating what lives.
We laughed, drank more tea, and discussed plans to see each other.
We met again at a microbiotic vegan restaurant and cannot really describe my meal. She suggested a movie, a horror flick. I thought this could be interesting and regretted not having some lines of blow. I thought this could be a real kinky kinda thing! In mid movie I noticed the zombies eating the flesh and the intestines of a victim. Recognizing the contents of the intestines were similar to my just finished meal, I promptly with projectile speed spewed my bile laced microbiotic contents into the blond dreadlocks of the patron in the row infront. I sat there as my steamy thick brown fluid ran down the dreads, it became apparent I was out of my element, and the person to whom belonged to those dreads had not noticed the acrid stench nor detected the moist addition to that mass of nasty.
She laughed in delight and amused at my gastro conflict when another burst of fluid made its way to the back of my throat and on to her face and lap. SHe was fine with my "natures way" of cleansing. But like a toothbrush dropped in the toliet, our mouths would never again meet. While ashamed of my materialistic protective character, I could not drop my guard down and allow that mess to touch my connelly hides in my prized Jaguar!
Its been many years since we last met. I saw her recently at party with my wife and she with her husband. She seemed happy, and glad to see that I had settled nicely. The smile a bit more crooked. She said she had met her husband that very nite walking home from the movie. It had been him whom I had erupted upon. In a primal way I had laid my scent on him and perhaps that was what attracted her to him. She is still a Raw Vegan, and married to one. I asked her if she had cooked anyone "chicken" after our incounter and with sadness she said no.
My stomach gurgled at that moment, and exchanged a glance, a chuckle, and our eyes met one more time, but just to say good bye!
Are you an author
9/23/2005 8:57 PM
