firefly wrote:sebstar wrote:
right with you bro. ive had a girlfriend for the past 5 years (i'm 27) that i plan on proposing to on the 4th of july - she's a teacher whose doing a 1year masters course and her younger sister is getting married in august, so it's safe to say her life is pretty damn hectic and extremely stressful right now. well 2 sundays ago she tells me she needs a break from us and can only tell me right now that she needs time and space to 'sort herself out.' her mom texts me on the daily making sure im good, so does her sister and my girl at this point won't even answer my texts or phonecalls. and meanwhile i'm left here to just wait for her and hope she comes to her senses, because i love her.
without getting too soft on ya'll, thats the **** i got going on now. yeah... **** love.
Yo, I'm sorry to hear about your plight. 5 years is a long time and I know those feelings you got are raw as fukk. But i'm encouraged by the response from her parents. They are treating you with respect and compassion. That will go a long way in a potential reconciliation and I know that feels good to know that they are empathetic towards your feelings and extending dignity and heart. Its all about decency.
That decency was absent from my situation. Once things broke down between me and her, there was an obscene campaign to strip me of my dignity and manhood because she felt like I 'cheated' or she was 'unappreciated'. So my contributions to her life, which were measurable in those three years, went out the window and in its place was complete and abject ruthlessness. I dont think I can begin to describe how cold the shyt they all did to me was. And it was a collective effort.
So yeah, I'm definitely looking out for number one as I have expressed in this thread. I've deaded my heart. Thats not happenin again.
Like to extend my support to your journey.
I gotta say, a lot of this convo cuts me deep. Ive always been the kind of guy to put it out there, trust and damn the consequences. My wife and her family are real full-on life pessimists who wouldnt trust you if you gave them a million bucks. I have had countless conversations with them about the fallacies in the way I view the world. They tell me that people will let you down, that people ultimately care only about themselves and leaving yourself open will only result in you getting hurt.
The truth is, I know that both they and you guys here are right. If I give someone an opportunity to walk all over me, I know there's a good chance it will happen. But heres the thing. I still don't let that change the way I view the world.
When you guys say stuff about women in general or about people in general, I question that, because I have seen the worst in humanity. I have seen parents abandon children at the exact time their children need it most. I have seen women take their man, beat him down with every tool available, kick him in the goolies while he's down there, then unjustly get him sent to jail for good measure. Ive seen big, strong men weeping like babies because there is literally nothing else left. I know the evil in humanity's heart. Ive seen it, lived with it and gotten to know it on a down and dirty level.
But Ive also seen the other side. The family that takes that man, brings him into their own home and cares for him. Ive seen people put their own hands in their pockets to the tune of millions just to ensure that a family stays together, can live, can eat. Ive known people who walk past a man lying in the filth of the gutter and kneel down there to help him back up inch by excruciating inch. Women who see the child so desperate for his parents' love and try with every breath to make that child feel wanted and cared for again. And yes, Ive known women who would walk through the fiery pits of hell because of love.
Ive seen what happens when love dies, when it gets crush underfoot like an afterthought. It hurts more then anything. That feeling of loss, of despair, of feeling so small because what you feel will never be reciprocated can make you think that everyone is the same. That everyone will hurt you if you open up to them. But Ive also seen what happens when you let someone else in, when you give them the chance to see who you really are, underneath the ruffntuff, that raw, scared kid we all have inside ourselves. And thats when you remember what life is truly about. All this talk of living for yourself, taking what you can get, fukk love, where does it get you? If we truly were meant to be alone, then why does it hurt so much when we are?
When my first kid was born, I finally understood what it meant to be a part of something much much much bigger then yourself. Theres a saying in the Torah. "Love others like you love yourself". When I look at my wife or one of my kids thats exactly how I feel. If given a choice between my life or theirs, I wouldnt hesitate or flinch for a second. Sebby and NYK, it sounds to me like you put yourselves in that position with a girl and they never showed you the same in return. But thats not a reflection on you or the rest of the world. Its a reflection on that specific person. It says to me that they have issues and concerns that do not include a level of selflessness that EVERYONE in a relationship deserves. But if you guys lock yourselves in as a result of their selfishness and in your case Sebby, their callousness, viciousness and sheer bitchery then the only result is you're turning into the them. The exact thing you loathed so much about them will be replicated in you. And that cant be what you want.
I cant promise you that the next time it will be different. History and statistics state otherwise. But if you dont let yourself live, to feel that pain, you'll never give yourself the chance to feel the joy and happiness when it goes right. And sometimes, it does go right.
Ill end off with a story. Theres a guy walking down the road, and he falls into a pit. Hes lying at the bottom of the pit and he sees a doctor walking by. He calls up "Hey doc, can you help me out?". The docto writes out a prescription and throws it into the pit. He sees a priest walk by and he calls up "Hey father, can you help me out?". The priest writes up a penance and throws it down to the bottom of the pit. Then a friend walks by and the man shouts up "Hey Joe, its me! Im stuck in this pit, can you help me out?" The friend sees him, and jumps down into the pit. The man says "Why did you do that?! Now we're both stuck in here!". And the friend replies "Yes. But I've been here before, and I know the way out".
If you need any help getting out, let me know.
This post is really affecting me....
3/3/2010 6:16 PM