Posted by martin:
Posted by JUNKMEIN:
So anyway, who's got the wildest wedding story. I'm willing to bet not many have a story as crazy as mine. Who wants to here the story of..."Why Junkmein kicked the pastor out of the Wedding Story"? 
I won't bother you guys with the story unless you really want to hear it.
we want to hear it. 
Alright, remember you asked for it
So back in September of 1995 I propose to my future wife and of course like a smart girl she say, "hell yeah"
She says well okay we can do it next summer. I'm like nah let's do it now. She says, "that's too soon, we've gotta plan everything". I'm like what needs to be planned? She says "well it's gonna cost money". I say well why don't we just do the justice of the peace? She says her family members are gonna want to attend and i'm like...bring'em on down to the court house with us
Then she says "well what about all of our other relatives". I'm like well you know I don't want a big...uhhh,errr...full stop....Uhh babe, do they give cash presents at these weddings? She says of course they do. Um like...well we're gonna have to get married in a few months then cus nothing's better than free food except free money
So anyway, December 30th, 1995 is the day I put out there and she agreed.
Fast forward a few months and we go meet a nice pastor (female) who counsels us and agrees to officiate the wedding for us. I think it's cool because having a lady pastor will be kind of different. We agree that we'll donate $150 for her trouble and head out smiling from ear to ear.
Fast forward a 1-1/2 month later and i'm returning from Atlanta the day before the wedding with my parents, one of my brother's and my 2 year old son (ring bearer...dressed just like me...very nice). My wife (fiancee) calls me crying saying that there's a problem. She's saying that the pastor is asking for $500 to officiate the wedding. I'm thinking, no problem babe, consider it taken care of. My reasoning is that it's too late to change at that late of a date. I give the pastor a call and she's like no we agreed on $500 bucks. I say okay miss but please allow me to pay you half up front and give me a month to pay the rest (we were moving to North Carolina on January 4th). She agrees to that.
Next day me and my little boy show up at the wedding looking sharp as a tap. Collarless tux in all black. MacDaddy and his 2 foot tall protege/apprentice
There's maybe 20 guest there by that time. The first person that comes up to me is my wife's cousn (now my cousin) saying that the pastor is looking for me. My cousin tells me the pastor was asking her about being paid and was asking for my fiancee's pocket book. I say okay and I go find her. She says sir you told me that the wedding was gonna start at 3:30 and it's 2:45 now. I say well I apologize for the tardiness of the visitors but I think we should be able to get started on time and that i'll get her money to her. She says fine.
3:00 arrives and I pay her her $150. The pastor says that she has a prior engagement and she can't be late for it. I assure her that it's gonna happen at 3:30.
3:15 The pastor lets me hear it. I told you I had another appointment and the weddings not gonna start when you said and blah blah blah. I'm like yes Ms. I understand. 30 guest by that time
3:30 - 50 guest. It becomes obvious that we won't make the 3:30 start time. The pastor let's me know that she's not pleased with the late start. I tell the pastor that I appreciate her patience but if she has to leave she should go ahead. She says what. I say well Miss if you have a prior engagement I don't want to hold you up from that. We'll figure it out. She says you can't make that decision by yourself. I say excuse me. She says that you won't be truly married if she doesn't officiate the wedding. Is say well we'll just have to figure something out. She says you can't make that decision without the brides input. I say, no mam, thank you but you can go ahead and go to your next engagement. She says i'm not going to just listen to what you're saying without talking to your wife. Pause. I say, excuse me you can go now. She says I will not. Pause...I say, you're gonna have to leave my wedding now. She says no. I say you're gonna leave or ... Enter my 280 pound brother inlaw who lifts me up like a twig (i'm 6'3 - 1/2 about 190 at the time -230 now but I was a sexy beast then)
I'm like Rod, she gotta go. He's like go on man, let me handle it. I'm like this beatch gotta go. He takes me aside and then talks to her.
4:00 - 70 guest. The caterer (my wife's aunt who referred the pastor) comes to me and tells me the pastor has agreed to stay longer and officiate the wedding. I'm like I don't care she's not officiating my wedding. I tell her if the pastor wants to marry my wife she can but I ain't. The caterer says okay let me talk to here again (embarrased). She comes back an tells me the pastor has left. I say cool and then start thinking about what i'm gonna do with all of my guest. My second oldest brother..who knows me well....and my twin brother....who knows me even better...say don't even think you did the wrong thing. You don't want someone like that sending you off. I say yeah yall right.
4:20 - Just about the time I talk to my brother I spot the infamous Uncle Ralph strolling by (my wife's side of the families resident Jehovah Witness).
I'm like, yo man, I need a big favor from you. He's like anything you need. I say.....Uncle Ralph...uhh...I need you to officiate my wedding. He's like gulp....uhh, what. I'm like man I need you, I just kicked the pastor out of the wedding. He's like..uhh, okay. Let me get my bible. I'm like thank you. He ask me again, are you sure. I say brother, I know you can do it...I have the utmost confidence in your abilities (in addition to no other options).
4:25 - They back me down the hallway to the corner and do the same with my bride (we talk back to back - bad luck to see the bride before the marriage). I say hey babe, how's it going. She says hey, what's going on. I say uhh, it's all cool we're making great time. There's only one little issue. She ask, what's that. I say well I had to kick the preacher outta the wedding. She's like what. I say I got it covered because your Uncle Ralph is gonna officiate the wedding for us. She says cool (smart girl).
4:30 - The show hits the stage and Macdaddy and bride and wedding party...and little mac daddy and soul train lines and jerk chicken, rice and peas...and lastly.......the monetary gifts my then wife discussed earlier.
It was a grand day, a great day, a fun wedding and a hell of a story to tell and experience.
Beat that story
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[Edited by - junkmein on 07/13/2005 20:11:38]
7/13/2005 4:42 PM
