| Author | Thread |
| AUTOADVERT |
|
TMS
Posts: 60684 Alba Posts: 617 Joined: 5/11/2004 Member: #674 USA |
3/2/2010 5:46 PM
sebdawg, u know i feel where u're coming from on this... we've had talks about this topic before... after u go through betrayal you will be left feeling angry & bitter for a while... it's gonna take a long time before u can trust again... took me years before i could look at a woman as something more than a sex object... u might think i still look at women that way judging from the amount of bukkake i post here on the regular, but i used to be a real romantic at heart & became one again when i met my last ex... when u meet a woman that makes u say "fuggit, i'm willing to get hurt over you", that's when you know you've healed... hopefully the one that earns your trust again doesn't go & fug you over & leaving u feeling duped, but that's life... gotta be in it to win it just like lotto.
nyk4ever, i went through a similar experience as you did too... my advice is that the worst thing u can do is wait around & wonder when she'll come back... don't even bother checking up on her to see if she's OK cuz that'll just make her think you're waiting around & she'll keep on ignoring you to give u the hint to leave her alone... just act & think like it's over between you 2... if she really loves u then she'll be the one to want to get back with you... try not to sweat her while u wait & look at other options, cuz if she doesn't end up coming back it will only leave u feeling played & you're too cool of a dude to have that happen to you... like Anubis said, she's probably getting it from some other dude bro... sounds harsh & it's gonna hurt to realize that, but there's really no other reason for a chick to ask for a break other than her wanting to bang other guys... no woman would give up a 5 year relationship just to explore herself & go on some Buddhist self exploration trip... chicks are as fickle as Knick fans bro, u know this... good luck bro. After 7 years & 40K+ posts, banned by martin for calling Nalod a 'moron'. Awesome.
|
|
firefly
Posts: 23224 Alba Posts: 17 Joined: 7/26/2004 Member: #721 United Kingdom |
3/2/2010 6:10 PM
sebstar wrote: I gotta say, a lot of this convo cuts me deep. Ive always been the kind of guy to put it out there, trust and damn the consequences. My wife and her family are real full-on life pessimists who wouldnt trust you if you gave them a million bucks. I have had countless conversations with them about the fallacies in the way I view the world. They tell me that people will let you down, that people ultimately care only about themselves and leaving yourself open will only result in you getting hurt. The truth is, I know that both they and you guys here are right. If I give someone an opportunity to walk all over me, I know there's a good chance it will happen. But heres the thing. I still don't let that change the way I view the world. When you guys say stuff about women in general or about people in general, I question that, because I have seen the worst in humanity. I have seen parents abandon children at the exact time their children need it most. I have seen women take their man, beat him down with every tool available, kick him in the goolies while he's down there, then unjustly get him sent to jail for good measure. Ive seen big, strong men weeping like babies because there is literally nothing else left. I know the evil in humanity's heart. Ive seen it, lived with it and gotten to know it on a down and dirty level. But Ive also seen the other side. The family that takes that man, brings him into their own home and cares for him. Ive seen people put their own hands in their pockets to the tune of millions just to ensure that a family stays together, can live, can eat. Ive known people who walk past a man lying in the filth of the gutter and kneel down there to help him back up inch by excruciating inch. Women who see the child so desperate for his parents' love and try with every breath to make that child feel wanted and cared for again. And yes, Ive known women who would walk through the fiery pits of hell because of love. Ive seen what happens when love dies, when it gets crush underfoot like an afterthought. It hurts more then anything. That feeling of loss, of despair, of feeling so small because what you feel will never be reciprocated can make you think that everyone is the same. That everyone will hurt you if you open up to them. But Ive also seen what happens when you let someone else in, when you give them the chance to see who you really are, underneath the ruffntuff, that raw, scared kid we all have inside ourselves. And thats when you remember what life is truly about. All this talk of living for yourself, taking what you can get, fukk love, where does it get you? If we truly were meant to be alone, then why does it hurt so much when we are? When my first kid was born, I finally understood what it meant to be a part of something much much much bigger then yourself. Theres a saying in the Torah. "Love others like you love yourself". When I look at my wife or one of my kids thats exactly how I feel. If given a choice between my life or theirs, I wouldnt hesitate or flinch for a second. Sebby and NYK, it sounds to me like you put yourselves in that position with a girl and they never showed you the same in return. But thats not a reflection on you or the rest of the world. Its a reflection on that specific person. It says to me that they have issues and concerns that do not include a level of selflessness that EVERYONE in a relationship deserves. But if you guys lock yourselves in as a result of their selfishness and in your case Sebby, their callousness, viciousness and sheer bitchery then the only result is you're turning into the them. The exact thing you loathed so much about them will be replicated in you. And that cant be what you want. I cant promise you that the next time it will be different. History and statistics state otherwise. But if you dont let yourself live, to feel that pain, you'll never give yourself the chance to feel the joy and happiness when it goes right. And sometimes, it does go right. Ill end off with a story. Theres a guy walking down the road, and he falls into a pit. Hes lying at the bottom of the pit and he sees a doctor walking by. He calls up "Hey doc, can you help me out?". The docto writes out a prescription and throws it into the pit. He sees a priest walk by and he calls up "Hey father, can you help me out?". The priest writes up a penance and throws it down to the bottom of the pit. Then a friend walks by and the man shouts up "Hey Joe, its me! Im stuck in this pit, can you help me out?" The friend sees him, and jumps down into the pit. The man says "Why did you do that?! Now we're both stuck in here!". And the friend replies "Yes. But I've been here before, and I know the way out". If you need any help getting out, let me know. Some men see things as they are and ask why. I dream things that never were and ask why not?
|
|
AnubisADL
Posts: 27382 Alba Posts: 13 Joined: 6/29/2009 Member: #2771 USA |
3/2/2010 6:16 PM
sebstar wrote:AnubisADL wrote:You do realize she is getting it in with some other guy right? I have plenty of female friends who pull that line. It's just them being nice. The excuse is lame. So she wants to do her thing with some guy then come back when she is done? Negative. She did this guy a favor. Now he can be free and luckily this happened before he proposed. He just needs to forget her. It's happens to every guy once. You sit and wonder what you could have done different and in the end you realize it had nothing to do with you. He just needs to move on. NY Knicks - Retirement home for players and GMs
|
|
TMS
Posts: 60684 Alba Posts: 617 Joined: 5/11/2004 Member: #674 USA |
3/2/2010 7:17 PM
AnubisADL wrote:sebstar wrote:AnubisADL wrote:You do realize she is getting it in with some other guy right? truth
After 7 years & 40K+ posts, banned by martin for calling Nalod a 'moron'. Awesome.
|
|
Markji
Posts: 22753 Alba Posts: -4 Joined: 9/14/2007 Member: #1673 USA |
3/2/2010 8:36 PM
nyk4ever wrote:SupremeCommander wrote:Allanfan20 wrote:nyk4ever wrote:sebstar wrote:Supreme, Nalod, Firefly... NYK - a tough situation. Trying to understand women is virtually impossible in situations like yours. But I'll put some thoughts in. Woman are different than men, and I am not talking just physiologically. Their emotions are very different and they react to situations very differently than we would. First - since you still love her and want to propose to her, you shouldn't go crazy and find some other girl to sleep with. That would end your relationship with her. If she finds out, all hell will break lose. Even if she doesn't, since you love her, you'll probably feel guilty. This is not the time to "get even." She may not have done anything wrong. Second - her mother and sister are texting you daily. This is very surprising and actually extremely promising. In my experience, woman side with other woman. They won't try to keep you happy or informed if their friend/sister/daughter is breaking up with you. The fact that they are in contact with you means something is going on but I really haven't a clue what is happening behind the scenes. I doesn't necessarily mean that she is seeing someone else. Third - If you have a good relationship with her sister, try to speak with her sister and see if you can find out what is happening. Woman sometimes deal in roundabout ways, not direct. Men deal direct. Woman are different. Fourth - Your girlfriend may really want to know that you care about her. You have been going with her for 5 years and now her younger sister is getting married. A big blow and reality check time for the older sister. Have you ever discussed marriage with your girlfriend?? She may think you will never marry her and she is bummed out and thinking about what her future will be. Fifth - If Bitty or any other female poster is reading all of this, then female input would be most enlightening. Let us know what happens. The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Tom Clancy - author
|