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4949
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10/18/2008  8:55 AM
That's not too far off though. P-Gods are like our mothers. And if you didn't get the nurturing you were supposed to have gotten as a baby, then there's always that need to find it in the world of P-Gods. It's a tough world, but then again, New York is a tough place to find things like that and your lucky if you do find it. I'm talking about this fundamental nurturing. It has a tremendous effect on a persons psyche and confidence.

Guys (and even girls) don't realize how important that is in our lives. I met a lot of guys who have tons of confidence in themselves and often learn that they had a great childhood with both parents. A lot of them don't go chasing different girls around or show interest in women on a sexual level, because they are confident. I think once you start to learn that, then you start to understand yourself much better and are able to control your emotions much better also. And understanding why you have these frustrating feelings sometimes when it comes to sexual relationships.

I didn't get the mothering love I needed as a baby, and I didn't even know I was supposed to all these years. Constantly fighting with the girlfriends over the years, getting all emotional and crying like a big baby all actually meant something important, but I didn't understand why and I finally found out why. It was one of the best wake up calls of my life when I found out and how it's all connected. I still lack that confidence myself and trying to find my own personal vocabulary to different emotions, but at least I know why now and it's not so hard if and when these things occur.

And one more thing. If you didn't get that nurturing, don't blame your mother. She probably had the same experience also. I mean how often do people talk about these things and how do we communicate now? I am more than happy to share what knowledge I have, if it means helping someone else be a better person.

[Edited by - 4949 on 10-18-2008 09:15 AM]
I'll never trust this' team again.
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OasisBU
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10/18/2008  1:15 PM
TMS is right on point with his advice. Unfortunately women are extremely selfish (not all but most) and if you are not careful they will mess you up.

I have been through the friend things a few times, even turned some of them into relationships - but they never work out.

The best advice I have ever gotten is this - if its hard at the start its not meant to be, it should be easy at the start because as a relationship grows you will come across some rough patches and it will take work to get through them. If you are working that hard just to get things off the ground there is no way things will last when a rough patch hits.

TMS is correct, there are way too many fish in the sea to be worried about 1 girl. I know it isnt easy when your hormones are messing up your mind and you have feelings for the other person, but as you get more experience you will start to see the light.

That doesnt mean you have to be jaded about it (although I would say after having a few girls toy with you, you will become pretty jaded). They all seem to wonder what happens to nice guys and I would say that women ruin nice guys.

"If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you just SUCK." Kenny Powers
eViL
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10/18/2008  1:18 PM
Hey G -- speaking of life and relationships in general terms, I think we all get what we give and vice versa. So if you are a cool, mellow, go with the flow dude, the people who gravitate to you will likely share similar (but maybe not identical) vibes. I think the biggest problem that young dudes have relating to women is that young dudes change their natural tendencies when they are around a girl that they like.

The mellow go with the flow guy gets uptight. It's like choking during the big game. You hit every free throw in practice, but you miss when the game's on the line. You didn't forget how to shoot a free throw, you just let your head get mixed up.

When it comes to girls, even the ones you love, you have to remember that they are people too. They take dumps just like you do. They smell when they don't take showers. They are not fantastically amazing magically powered mythical creatures. So please, avoid putting a girl on a pedestal at all costs. I'm not saying you are doing this, but I'm just saying -- if this is happening, don't let it happen with the next one.

Be yourself at all times. Some people might disagree with this advice, but it works for me. Don't crack under pressure. It's easier said than done, but the minute you can be the dude that's unflappable (thanks Clyde), is the minute girls will wonder "how is this guy so confident?" You hit your free throws under pressure by being the same person you were when the game started. Don't choke. So yeah, this means that inevitably you will have to make "the move." That is, you have to go for her, and not in no sissy way (i.e. "Do you like me like that?") Don't talk about feelings. Girls talk about feelings. Men act on their feelings. If you feel a girl, and the time is right, don't ask if she likes you. You ask by going for a kiss. That's how you get your answer. Don't be forceful. Find the moment and go. I think many guys F their game up right at this stage. You have to put it all on the line at some point. A dude who asks if a girl likes him looks wimpy next to the guy who throws caution into the wind and goes for a kiss.

Two additional things that are very important. Although looks are more important to guys, girls are big on appearances as well. They might not be as superficial as guys are (although some girls are even worse), but you should def understand that if a chick doesn't like your look or your style (whether that means the clothes you wear, or the way you wear them -- i.e. neatness, cleanliness), she's probably not going to be charmed into hooking up with you. You need a complete game. You don't crack under pressure and you always look good.

Finally, you ain't gonna come in through the friend door and find your way into the club where all the sex happens. The friend door is for friends only, and once you are in there it is very hard to get out. There is nothing wrong with wanting to hook up with a friend. But everything is wrong with becoming friends because you wanna hook up -- does that make sense?

Be sincere. Be yourself. Be confident. Look good. And don't crack (especially when it's time to make "the move"). If you can truly achieve this, you will find a girl that likes you and you'll hook up.

[Edited by - eViL on 10-18-2008 6:04 PM]
check out my latest hip hop project: https://soundcloud.com/michaelcro http://youtu.be/scNXshrpyZo
OasisBU
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10/18/2008  1:21 PM
Posted by GKFv2:
Posted by Knicksfansince94:

I wasn't joking when I said that she wants sex without the relationship part. You guys are looking too much into it. Chicks want sex just as much as you do, it's just that you baby them into reacting the way that GKFv2 described. See who she's bangin a week from now; probably a person that didn't want to get close.

Really dude, I could give a **** who she's banging. Seriously. I don't give a **** if she screws the entire New York area. I have put this in the past. But honestly, this is not why she doesn't want to get close.

As for 4949, I hear you. I think losing out on a girl (aka rejection) can hurt a guy's self-esteem and bring them down a little bit. It doesn't help that I don't have the highest self-esteem as far as getting with girls. I've been with girls in the past obviously but for some reason I am not as confident in myself in that department as I should be. Then something comes along and you feel smaller than an ant sometimes.

You're right, you take your lumps and move along but confidence takes time to build or re-build and right now I'm a re-building project.

[Edited by - gkfv2 on 10-17-2008 03:16 AM]

I hear you on that - confidence is tough. But you just gotta cast a wide net my friend. There are a lot of fish out there and many of them are much better than the one you described. She wasnt a good fit for you and I am glad you realized that and moved on. Thats one of the hardest things to do. Of course it is also hard to put yourself out there and get rejected, but you just have to keep the goal in mind - eventually someone will come along that it clicks with and you will be happy. Just gotta keep on trying until it happens. Those that give up are miserable and lonely - you need to remember all the good things you have to offer and know that it will work out someday.

It is easy to get discouraged since women can be very petty about what they reject a guy over.
"If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you just SUCK." Kenny Powers
4949
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10/18/2008  2:06 PM
Lot's of good advice. I'm learning something new also. Take it from the eViL Rock Man, he knows.

The key is to enjoy yourself first (understand yourself), enjoy life and if you can, enjoy people and you will shine. Doesn't always work, but if your unhappy, constantly upset or mean, then that's a total turn off.

If somethings bothering you, then figure out what's bothering you so you'll have a chance to solve it.

The charm, witt and biggest of smiles most of the time, they don't always work, but at least you'll be ready when those moments show up at your door step. LOL
I'll never trust this' team again.
jazz74
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10/18/2008  7:24 PM
Posted by TMS:

that pretty much means she wants to keep you chasing after her til something better comes along & she wants to have her cake & eat it too bro... sorry that might sound harsh but that's how chicks are... be careful cuz girls like that like to take advantage of a nice guy... not that i know this girl & she may be cool & all that too, but girls these days LOOOOOVE to play mind games & u gotta be on ur guard at all times.

this is coming from someone who's extremely jaded so take that w/a grain of salt, but trust me i been there, done that so don't even sweat any flack ur gonna get over this one... i'm sure most of us have been in your shoes at 1 point or another.

my advice would be if ur really into this girl, don't ever let it progress to the "friend" stage, cuz that's the literal point of no return if u ever wanna get w/this girl... make sure she knows u got other options available to you & don't be at her beckon call if she wants to see you... try to keep her guessing a little bit as to your feelings for her, or if you still like her later if u already made her aware of your feelings... if she's into you at all trust me she'll make an effort to wanna be with you... otherwise you don't wanna waste your time on a girl who just wants emotional support but isn't willing to give any in return, nah'm saying? good luck.

[Edited by - TMS on 10-13-2008 01:17 AM]


great advice. i was that victim also, hanging around and having the girl flirt just enough to keep you interested but never want to do anything more than tease you. think jon cryer in pretty in pink.
jazz74
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10/18/2008  7:35 PM
Posted by 4949:
Posted by GKFv2:

When you really like a girl and she turns you down because she is "not ready for a relationship" but does "like you", is that considered a rejection? Break out the rule book.

And yes, I am talking about myself.

I don't have 99 problems, I only have 1 - a bitch that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe that's why I have been over-acting like a dick recently.

PS: Yes I am prepared to take flack over this post.

All I know is that when two people like each other enough, they make an effort to want to be together. That's a normal relationship. I realized that I wasn't brought up properly to socialize. I had to learn the hard way and it cost me many broken heart and frustration over the years. The many chances I had and failed to recognize, because I didn't know how. I finally realized that it wasn't the end of the world, and I would have liked to have had another chance at a couple of those times but the past is the past. And I am happy with the relationships I did' have in my life.

I don't get all into calling gals/women bitches and all that stuff and I don't get into gals that seems to thrive off of conflict like that. But in reading your post, it sounds like you were rejected. Sorry bout that dude. I know the feeling. Don't worry. Don't panic. Keep in control of your emotional state. Talk about it.

This is the way I look at it when it comes to dating. Be yourself and every once in awhile, someone will recognize your strong points. Ask in a nice way and if you get rejected, it's not the end of the world. You keep going and as you go, you will meet other women and you will grow in knowledge and experience until you find someone who is good for you. That's being in a intelligent relationship and those aren't perfect either. And that's the beauty of relationship. You laugh, you argue, you make up, you get along and if it's strong enough, then who knows? That's your call.

You will get wounded sometimes. Find a place to lick your wounds and time to get over it. But make sure you have someone to talk to. No one is immune to rejection or failed relationship. We all been there.

right on about that, 49. i just broke up with my girlfriend of three years and she already started dating someone. so i am at my parents licking my wounds and heading out just to have fun tonight. i agree with tms's assessment of girls right about now.
GKFv2
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10/18/2008  7:43 PM
That must suck jazz but I commend you dude. Luckily my situation wasn't that serious. My mood has greatly improved since earlier this week. Unfortunately I don't have the same time to go out and enjoy myself as I am swamped with work that I left till the last minute to do. Have fun bro and thanks to evil and everyone else.

Evil, BTW, that was very cool of you to write and I appreciate your advice.
Thank you, Rick Brunson.
TMS
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10/19/2008  7:39 AM
Posted by eViL:

Hey G -- speaking of life and relationships in general terms, I think we all get what we give and vice versa. So if you are a cool, mellow, go with the flow dude, the people who gravitate to you will likely share similar (but maybe not identical) vibes. I think the biggest problem that young dudes have relating to women is that young dudes change their natural tendencies when they are around a girl that they like.

The mellow go with the flow guy gets uptight. It's like choking during the big game. You hit every free throw in practice, but you miss when the game's on the line. You didn't forget how to shoot a free throw, you just let your head get mixed up.

When it comes to girls, even the ones you love, you have to remember that they are people too. They take dumps just like you do. They smell when they don't take showers. They are not fantastically amazing magically powered mythical creatures. So please, avoid putting a girl on a pedestal at all costs. I'm not saying you are doing this, but I'm just saying -- if this is happening, don't let it happen with the next one.

Be yourself at all times. Some people might disagree with this advice, but it works for me. Don't crack under pressure. It's easier said than done, but the minute you can be the dude that's unflappable (thanks Clyde), is the minute girls will wonder "how is this guy so confident?" You hit your free throws under pressure by being the same person you were when the game started. Don't choke. So yeah, this means that inevitably you will have to make "the move." That is, you have to go for her, and not in no sissy way (i.e. "Do you like me like that?") Don't talk about feelings. Girls talk about feelings. Men act on their feelings. If you feel a girl, and the time is right, don't ask if she likes you. You ask by going for a kiss. That's how you get your answer. Don't be forceful. Find the moment and go. I think many guys F their game up right at this stage. You have to put it all on the line at some point. A dude who asks if a girl likes him looks wimpy next to the guy who throws caution into the wind and goes for a kiss.

Two additional things that are very important. Although looks are more important to guys, girls are big on appearances as well. They might not be as superficial as guys are (although some girls are even worse), but you should def understand that if a chick doesn't like your look or your style (whether that means the clothes you wear, or the way you wear them -- i.e. neatness, cleanliness), she's probably not going to be charmed into hooking up with you. You need a complete game. You don't crack under pressure and you always look good.

Finally, you ain't gonna come in through the friend door and find your way into the club where all the sex happens. The friend door is for friends only, and once you are in there it is very hard to get out. There is nothing wrong with wanting to hook up with a friend. But everything is wrong with becoming friends because you wanna hook up -- does that make sense?

Be sincere. Be yourself. Be confident. Look good. And don't crack (especially when it's time to make "the move"). If you can truly achieve this, you will find a girl that likes you and you'll hook up.

[Edited by - eViL on 10-18-2008 6:04 PM]

my man eViL forgot 1 essential piece of advice... always make sure ur junk is neatly trimmed before u get to her over to your place... ain't no action going on down under unless u handle yo bidness, nah'm sayin?
After 7 years & 40K+ posts, banned by martin for calling Nalod a 'moron'. Awesome.
TMS
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10/19/2008  7:45 AM
Posted by jazz74:
Posted by 4949:
Posted by GKFv2:

When you really like a girl and she turns you down because she is "not ready for a relationship" but does "like you", is that considered a rejection? Break out the rule book.

And yes, I am talking about myself.

I don't have 99 problems, I only have 1 - a bitch that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe that's why I have been over-acting like a dick recently.

PS: Yes I am prepared to take flack over this post.

All I know is that when two people like each other enough, they make an effort to want to be together. That's a normal relationship. I realized that I wasn't brought up properly to socialize. I had to learn the hard way and it cost me many broken heart and frustration over the years. The many chances I had and failed to recognize, because I didn't know how. I finally realized that it wasn't the end of the world, and I would have liked to have had another chance at a couple of those times but the past is the past. And I am happy with the relationships I did' have in my life.

I don't get all into calling gals/women bitches and all that stuff and I don't get into gals that seems to thrive off of conflict like that. But in reading your post, it sounds like you were rejected. Sorry bout that dude. I know the feeling. Don't worry. Don't panic. Keep in control of your emotional state. Talk about it.

This is the way I look at it when it comes to dating. Be yourself and every once in awhile, someone will recognize your strong points. Ask in a nice way and if you get rejected, it's not the end of the world. You keep going and as you go, you will meet other women and you will grow in knowledge and experience until you find someone who is good for you. That's being in a intelligent relationship and those aren't perfect either. And that's the beauty of relationship. You laugh, you argue, you make up, you get along and if it's strong enough, then who knows? That's your call.

You will get wounded sometimes. Find a place to lick your wounds and time to get over it. But make sure you have someone to talk to. No one is immune to rejection or failed relationship. We all been there.

right on about that, 49. i just broke up with my girlfriend of three years and she already started dating someone. so i am at my parents licking my wounds and heading out just to have fun tonight. i agree with tms's assessment of girls right about now.

ah, i been there too broham... not a whole lotta feelings that are worse than that... i hope u score some nice rebound ass real soon.

anyone else have any questions about crazy chicks, i got plenty more advice where that came from.

After 7 years & 40K+ posts, banned by martin for calling Nalod a 'moron'. Awesome.
4949
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10/19/2008  8:51 AM
That's great. I was a little hesitant about saying anything on the subject, because I started thinking about Dr. Phil. Glad to see everyone is open to the subject.

I wonder what any of the females on this board think about this?
I'll never trust this' team again.
TMS
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10/19/2008  9:12 AM
bitty hasn't been around for a while, & saramae was a 1 hit wonder.
After 7 years & 40K+ posts, banned by martin for calling Nalod a 'moron'. Awesome.
4949
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10/19/2008  9:59 AM
I don't think bitty likes women. She sure jumped on me, when I tried to defend one.
I'll never trust this' team again.
TMS
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10/19/2008  10:36 AM
bitty's actually real cool when u meet her in person... she just gets PMS whenever i rag on her boy Zach. (oh snap, i used PMS & rag in the same sentence... i rule)
After 7 years & 40K+ posts, banned by martin for calling Nalod a 'moron'. Awesome.
4949
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10/19/2008  10:38 AM
She's gonna get you now.
I'll never trust this' team again.
TMS
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10/19/2008  10:41 AM
i dunno if she reads the forums anymore... woulda figured she'd have something to say about my "beginning to change my mind on Zach" thread the other day
After 7 years & 40K+ posts, banned by martin for calling Nalod a 'moron'. Awesome.
GKFv2
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10/20/2008  1:10 AM
You know what I just remembered? Just last month this girl was calling me "special" and that she doesn't talk to too many guys for so long(well now we know why, eh?) and now she did an about-face. I'm not stressing over anything but I did want to share that tidbit with you folks.
Thank you, Rick Brunson.
4949
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10/20/2008  11:57 PM
Posted by GKFv2:

You know what I just remembered? Just last month this girl was calling me "special" and that she doesn't talk to too many guys for so long(well now we know why, eh?) and now she did an about-face. I'm not stressing over anything but I did want to share that tidbit with you folks.

Oh yeah, so that's how it started.
I'll never trust this' team again.
jazz74
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10/21/2008  8:32 AM
meanwhile i just watched forgetting srah marshall last night. word of advice: do not watch that movie after you broke up with your girlfriend of more than 3 years.
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