Two little elderly Irish nuns walk up to the counter and ask for a pint of blackberry brandy. The proprietor looks alarmed by this and so the first sister says "oooh, it's strictly for medicinal purposes" the second whispers conspiratorially "Mother Superior's constipation." Ok fine they get the bottle and they go.

The next day, there they are again "A pint of Blackberry brandy, please.." The look... "oooh it's strictly for medicinal purposes only" "Mother Superior's constipation!" well, okay... they take the bottle and go.

This goes on in the same way for many days after. "Yeah yeah yeah strictly Medicinal purposes, Mother Superior's constipation, I get it. Here!"

One day the proprietor decides to follow the nuns. So after they leave he closes up the store... he heads over to the nunastary and he trails where the sisters went, he find this fairly easy because there are dribbles of blackberry brandy on the ground. he finally comes to a little alcove in the basement and there he see them the two nuns, HAMMERED! and all about them are empty bottles of blackberry brandy.

Furious, he says to the first sister "Medicinal purposes huh?" then to the second "Mother Superior's constipation huh?"

The first says "Oh it tis it tis..."

"She's goint ta **** when she sees us!" says the second.

How do you get a witch pregnant???
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You **** her.

Your momma joke.

Your momma is so fat that when she watches a Knicks game, she loses 100 lbs from all that barf.

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?











They taste funny.

Thank you I'll be here all week folks.

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, "That was my cousin, and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering it briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it.

There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex."

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods and he managed to track down the grizzly and shoot it.

He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it, Frank. You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already told her twice. What doe s computer and woman have in common? You dont relaize how important they are to you until they go down on you

Wow- this is a really good thread. All my jokes look stupid typed out.

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I''ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don''t know ****?"