BRIGGS wrote:My personal hope.....
........ is to be trapped inside the arena where the Miss Universe contest is being held, and being ambushed while your shoes are off, you must fight terrorists trying to take everyone hostage as a ploy to conceal the fact that it's actually a scheme to steal millions in bearer bonds in an underground vault.
And since you have tiny little hands, you can't punch your way out, nor use the trigger on a firearm, so you will have to round house kick everyone to death.
Then the main villain is actually a robot. And you realize it's Collin Sexton. Who snuck into the events as a social justice warrior. Got the scent of a furry tree hugger just right. So you are going to shove your tiny little hand up his nostril and reach into his brain pan and hit his emergency deactivation switch. Why didn't he stop you? Because the mother****er doesn't have any defense at all.
But he left a giant bomb in the middle of the room. The SWAT teams and bomb disposal people finally breach and they can't get into the bomb's arming system, it's too small. It's minuscule. Then the director of the contest says if you can save the world and save all these super models, and stop the bomb, all those women will ravage you later.
So you reach into the bomb device with that toothpick sized fist and pull the red wire and stop the timer. Why wasn't there a secondary trigger in place? Because Sexton don't mother****ing pass to no mother****ing secondary option.
Then an army of supermodels swarm you. And say you can do whatever you want to them. But first they are really hungry. They haven't eaten in 2 weeks. So you take them to Chipotle. They rack up a 7000 dollar bill and gorge and binge and then they throw it all up in the parking lot. Then sit on the curb and cry uncontrollably. You limp inside the Chipotle to one of the employees, your foot is hurting, because you've been round house kicking people for hours, and have him dial my number, because your microscopic hands can't hit the numbers correctly.
"Triple, my old friend" you say, "It's a good thing Collin Sexton was not a team player, because then I would have been royally ****ed. Had he offered some defense and had the ability to weaponize his secondary options on offense, well I would have been overwhelmed. But I did my duty and there was no way I was going to let him **** me."
"Briggs, my old friend," I say, "Sounds like you are out 7 grand and no one is going to **** you"
"I gotta shovel a couple hundred pounds of vomit out of this mother****ing parking lot, how can 90 pound women eat so much food in one sitting! What are you two complaining about?" shouts the Chipotle employee.
(Two Weeks Later)
Briggs and Triple Threat are eating at a Chipotle. Two employees walk by and are talking.
"Did you hear about the guy working a closing shift who got a blowjob from 4 Miss Universe level supermodels? He was shoveling vomit in the parking lot and he made a trade, his burrito for keep making them burritos since they were on a wild bingeing bender."
Briggs could not hear the rest as bullets aimed at his ankles tore up the ground around him. Seeking over, one could see the glowing red eyes of the Collin Sexton robot. It's wearing a woke T shirt that says 'Everyone Lives Matter. Unless You Are In A Chinese Concentration Camp Making My Signature Shoes'
"It's a good thing Sexton's got bad mother****ing shot selection, or we'd both be dead!" I exclaim. But it's hard to move as the cold chill covers us, because if Sexton is good at anything, it's freezing other people out.
"I WANT THE MAX! I WANT THE MAX!" the Sexton robot yells as he fires wildly everywhere.
"My name is not Max! It's Briggs!"
"WHY CAN'T I GET THE MAX? I DESERVE THE MAX!" the Sexton robot cries out as he stops firing.
"The team is showing up soon! Switch! Switch! Pick up your man!" I chortle out.
Then the Sexton robot runs away as fast as possible. He wants nothing to do with a team concept, it scares him.
Briggs wipes his sweaty brow with his tiny hand, which has zero effect, it's mostly for show and not real effect.
"Triple, have you ever spent 7 grand and the end result was not getting your dick sucked?"
"No Briggs, in my entire life, I've never bought an engagement ring"
This is Brigg's greatest hope. Not to be the hero we want, but to be the hero who can't wear a wrist watch without lots of Gorilla tape.
THE END
7/27/2021 12:42 PM
