The BasketballJones Unofficial UK Posting FAQ

Here are a few tips on how to have a successful UK posting career:

1.   Stand for something:  In order to post on UK you must be in one of the 
     following three categories:

     a.   Lover
     b.   Hater
     c.   Insignificant

2.   If you’re conflicted about which to choose, don’t worry:  Your fellow 
     UK posters will assign you a label based on your posts.  They will 
     base this on your opinion of Stephon Marbury.

3.   You are always right.  This is the most important thing to remember.  
     You are always right, even when you’re wrong.  Admitting you’re wrong 
     about something is a shameful thing, and a sign of weakness that will 
     relegate you to insignificance.

4.   Never apologize.  What have you got to apologize for?  You’re always 
     right.  Remember?

5.   Be prolific: Post regularly and often.  You want to get your post 
     count to up 10,000 to be a big shot on UK.  It doesn’t matter what 
     you say, if anything.

6.   Be insulting.  After all, this is the internet.  You aren’t seeing 
     these people face to face, and they don’t know who you are.  Be sure 
     to insult your fellow posters early and often.

7.   But if some poster  insults you, tell him that he definitely wouldn’t 
     speak to you that way in person, and that if you ever do meet him in 
     person you’re going to beat his ass to a bloody pulp.

8.   Get Noticed: In order to make a big splash, you’ve got to get 
     noticed.  Otherwise, you’ll be relegated to insignificance.  You need 
     to develop a shtick.  Here are a few routines that have worked for 
     other UK Posters:

     a.   Be boastful - trumpet your accomplishments as an internet sports 
          forum poster.
     b.   Act knowledgeable - pretend you know something about basketball 
          (see 3 above)
     c.   Mock your fellow posters (this is a good fallback position if 
          you can’t pretend to know something about basketball.)
     d.   Be annoying and tedious. Keep posting a similar post over and 
          over again with slight variations.
     e.   Be long winded.  Make your posts really long so that others have 
          to scroll to read them.  Preferably, keep each post to one 
          massive paragraph.  For added impact, don’t actually say  
          anything.
     f.   Have a nice long conversation with yourself.  Post about 10 or 
          twenty times in a row, responding to yourself.  How long has it 
          been since you and you had a nice little chat?
     g.   Be incomprehensible.  They can’t argue with or criticize what 
          they don’t understand
     h.   Be combative.  Never let a post disagreeing with your position 
          go unanswered! Who are they to contradict you?
     i.   Act superior to others.  Be above it all, and write your posts 
          in the style of an academic treatise.  Be sure to show off your 
          massive vocabulary.  (It’s okay if you don’t actually know what 
          all those big words mean.  Neither do your fellow posters!)
     j.   Be dismayed by your fellow posters.  Be sure to scold them for 
          their immaturity and whatever else you can think of.  (This 
          works well when combined with 6-i above)
     k.   Be a wise ass - just make jokes about everything and everybody 
          (works well when combined with 6-c)

9.   Always be nice to the forum mods, Andrew & Martin.  No mater how 
     reprehensible your behavior is otherwise (and it should be very 
     reprehensible, if you want to be a big-time UK poster) always kiss 
     ass, and tone it down when these cats are around.  This is one case 
     where you want to be polite, because Andrew and Martin are the GODS 
     of UK.  Don’t mess with them or your posting career will be short 
     indeed, and you will be forced to pick a new name and start your post 
     count all over again.

10.  Keep your threads alive!  It’s your thread.   You worked hard to be 
     the author of an active thread on the first page of the forum 
     listing. Keep it there!  It doesn’t matter if  time has passed 
     the subject by.  Any time one of your threads gets pushed to the 
     second page, you need to go and add a new post to it, to bring it 
     back to the first page.  Don’t deprive your fellow posters of your 
     brilliant contribution to the forum.

11.  Be pugnacious and paranoid.  You're not here to make friends.  You're 
     here to show that you are right and that others are wrong.  Always 
     point out that you've turned out to be right about something (even if 
     you haven't) and that others questioned and/or made fun of you for 
     it in the past. Don't let them forget that they made you a pariah 
     (even if they didn't) for being the first to be right about something 
     (even if you weren't)

That’s it.  Just follow these simple guidelines, and enjoy a long happy 
life of posting on UK that you'll be proud to tell your grandchildren 
about.

Posted by K22:

Are these the new UK Man Laws?

Posted by Bippity10:

F'in classic. It's work like this that makes you a top 200 poster

[Edited by - bippity10 on 28-11-2007 12:54 PM]

Posted by BasketballJones:

Posted by K22:

Are these the new UK Man Laws?

No, I just derived these from reading posts here over the past few years.

Maybe I been here too long....

Posted by BasketballJones:

I'm thinking of retiring after I make my 5,000th post. 5,000 posts are not much of an accomplishment when compared to Bonn and DJ, but I think it's better to retire before I decline too much more.

Posted by K22:

Posted by BasketballJones:

I'm thinking of retiring after I make my 5,000th post. 5,000 posts are not much of an accomplishment when compared to Bonn and DJ, but I think it's better to retire before I decline too much more.

Can Martin and Andrew trade you for some expirings and picks then? Gotta think about the post-Jones era.

Posted by Allanfan20:

Thank God! Only 152 posts till Basketballjones retires. Perhaps Martin or Andrew can give me your password so I can speed up your posting count process.