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Since this is a slow period--question ever hit your kids?
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Moonangie
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9/19/2014  1:29 PM
Nalod wrote:
arkrud wrote:I am from regular European Jews family and I do not know any instance of beating kids in my family.
I remember my grandmother told me she do not remember anything like this too. So I never heard this form any of my friends.
This is out of tradition for 10th of generations...
From the age I remember I was always afraid to disappoint and hurt the feelings of my parents and grandparents.
Obviously I sometimes did and they told me and I cried. It was worst that beating. Much worth.
Especially when mother cried because of my behavior or farther will not talk to me.
Violence has no meaning and no use. Its just killing once soul.


I'd rather get hit then the doses of Jewish Guilt I experienced!!
Just kidding guys!!!

I pissed my Stepfather off once and he want to hit me. I was 16 and bigger at the time, I held him and told him I loved him but I could not permit him to touch me and my mother would go nuts. I apologized that I had angered and asked him if we could cool off an deal with it "later". I really was doing my beast to piss him off but also the dynamic in the house was my mom was "Protective" of the kids with the StepDad (instinct). "mommabear" looks after her own! My biological father was long gone for years. At that point I guess I decided I wanted a relationship and we both drew a line.

At 14 my son stuck his chest out at me and moved into my space as if he wanted to hit me. I steped into his first and quickly told him "at this moment you have to decide what kind of relationship you want with me, I will always love you but you have to earn my respect as I do yours!!!!" I hugged him and walked away. Basically it was the moment he was trying to stake his independance but also knew he was far from it. I remember that and tried to understand but not back down.

Later that nite we discussed "man strength" and while he might have some notion that he could "take me" I assured him my mental toughness would not permit it and it would damage our relationship. While it was "My house" he was a vital part of the family and my job was to make him bigger, faster, smarter, more successful and better looking than me!!! If so I would not be envious but proud and wish him only happiness and success in his life!!!

We are very a like and its like arguing with your clone. At times we exhausted my wife and daughter because they saw what was happening clearer than I was. Now we laugh. He is 23.

That right there is some excellent parenting, Nalod. **well done**

AUTOADVERT
arkrud
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9/19/2014  4:14 PM
Nalod wrote:
arkrud wrote:I am from regular European Jews family and I do not know any instance of beating kids in my family.
I remember my grandmother told me she do not remember anything like this too. So I never heard this form any of my friends.
This is out of tradition for 10th of generations...
From the age I remember I was always afraid to disappoint and hurt the feelings of my parents and grandparents.
Obviously I sometimes did and they told me and I cried. It was worst that beating. Much worth.
Especially when mother cried because of my behavior or farther will not talk to me.
Violence has no meaning and no use. Its just killing once soul.


I'd rather get hit then the doses of Jewish Guilt I experienced!!
Just kidding guys!!!

I pissed my Stepfather off once and he want to hit me. I was 16 and bigger at the time, I held him and told him I loved him but I could not permit him to touch me and my mother would go nuts. I apologized that I had angered and asked him if we could cool off an deal with it "later". I really was doing my beast to piss him off but also the dynamic in the house was my mom was "Protective" of the kids with the StepDad (instinct). "mommabear" looks after her own! My biological father was long gone for years. At that point I guess I decided I wanted a relationship and we both drew a line.

At 14 my son stuck his chest out at me and moved into my space as if he wanted to hit me. I steped into his first and quickly told him "at this moment you have to decide what kind of relationship you want with me, I will always love you but you have to earn my respect as I do yours!!!!" I hugged him and walked away. Basically it was the moment he was trying to stake his independance but also knew he was far from it. I remember that and tried to understand but not back down.

Later that nite we discussed "man strength" and while he might have some notion that he could "take me" I assured him my mental toughness would not permit it and it would damage our relationship. While it was "My house" he was a vital part of the family and my job was to make him bigger, faster, smarter, more successful and better looking than me!!! If so I would not be envious but proud and wish him only happiness and success in his life!!!

We are very a like and its like arguing with your clone. At times we exhausted my wife and daughter because they saw what was happening clearer than I was. Now we laugh. He is 23.

This takes character to do this things right...
And yes... no kidding... sometimes get hit feels better.
This is the easy way out. Anger makes anger. And violence makes violence.
Most of us better than that.

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." Hamlet
Allanfan20
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9/20/2014  10:06 AM
I will never hit my kids when I have one and I have a dog that I never hit. He's a great boy.

In terms of using words though, I think it is so much deeper. I think we need our kids to understand why and how things are right and wrong and what they have to do to work through around things. Parents have to keep in mind that patience is the baseline for raising kids and there are no bad kids. Only bad parents.

“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do NOT do that thing.”- Dwight Schrute
Allanfan20
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9/20/2014  10:08 AM
And I understand this pisses off all of te old school people out there... But just bc you did it back in your day, or just because it happened to you, doesn't make it right or correct.
“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do NOT do that thing.”- Dwight Schrute
knickscity
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9/20/2014  12:17 PM
Allanfan20 wrote:I will never hit my kids when I have one and I have a dog that I never hit. He's a great boy.

In terms of using words though, I think it is so much deeper. I think we need our kids to understand why and how things are right and wrong and what they have to do to work through around things. Parents have to keep in mind that patience is the baseline for raising kids and there are no bad kids. Only bad parents.

No offense, but this is spoken as a man who has no kids, it's no where close to being "Cosby simple", but I do agree with the use of words. You can permanently demoralize a child just by the words you use. I do find it ironic though that younger kids really dont understand the words used at times, yet folks think there is no reason to ever use a spanking. trust me, there will be...you'll get tired of saying the same thing over and over.

And yeah, I was spanked, my kids were as well when they were young, and I'm sure my grands will as well.

Now as far as my dogs go, i do agree, I've never hit them. No animal understands what the hit is even for, but tone of voice they do understand.

Allanfan20
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9/20/2014  2:05 PM
I never said anything about demoralizing kids. I agree that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.

With that said, just bc I don't have kids, you shouldn't assume I am naive or possibly clueless.

“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do NOT do that thing.”- Dwight Schrute
smackeddog
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9/20/2014  2:23 PM
Allanfan20 wrote:I never said anything about demoralizing kids. I agree that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.

With that said, just bc I don't have kids, you shouldn't assume I am naive or possibly clueless.

Exactly- ridiculous to say only people with kids should be allowed to comment on child abuse!

knickscity
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9/20/2014  7:24 PM
Allanfan20 wrote:I never said anything about demoralizing kids. I agree that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.

With that said, just bc I don't have kids, you shouldn't assume I am naive or possibly clueless.


I was pointing out that words hurt worse than the physical because you live with words forever.

Cuts and bruises heal in time, the memory is merely a scar and even those can be wiped away at times.

Without having kids I would classify that as inexperienced. There is no training manual, you learn as you go, and likely you carry on what was done with yourself.

knickscity
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9/20/2014  7:24 PM
smackeddog wrote:
Allanfan20 wrote:I never said anything about demoralizing kids. I agree that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.

With that said, just bc I don't have kids, you shouldn't assume I am naive or possibly clueless.

Exactly- ridiculous to say only people with kids should be allowed to comment on child abuse!


Read the thread title.
BasketballJones
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9/20/2014  8:04 PM
Speaking of training dogs....

Dale Sturtevant: Hi. I'm Dale Sturtevant. I've been raising dogs since I was six. And nothing has brought me more joy, or more sheer frustration, than training a puppy. With a very young pup, correcting problem behavior can be very maddening. And, like you, I've probably tried all the tricks - screaming myself hoarse, starving them, locking them in a closet for days on end, or just beating them without mercy. But after my third arrest and court-ordered anger-management counseling, I learned to channel my rage into an effective non-violent puppy training tool. It's called "Dissing Your Dog: how to train your puppy with mockery and verbal humiliation".

You see, dogs are much more intuitive than we give them credit for. They know when they're the butt of ridicule. And when they misbehave, a well-placed sarcastic comment or cutting remark can work wonders wherever a rolled-up newspaper fails. Whatever your puppy's behavior problem, I guarantee I can help you fix it.

Dale Sturtevant V/O: Problems like jumping on furniture..

Dale Sturtevant: Oh no, no, no, Humphrey, don't get up. You just stay there, relax. After all, you did put in a long day of work at a demanding high-stress job. Oh no, wait a minute, that's me! Now I remember! I'm the one with the job. You're the one who lies around the house all day in a pool of your own slobber!

[ dog jumps off couch ]

Dale Sturtevant V/O: Accidents in the house..

Dale Sturtevant: Hey, Walter! Thanks for your "help" with the new off-white sofa. Everybody agrees that dump you left there was the perfect "accent". So, good job. Oh, and by the way, Milton Berle called. He wants his bladder back.

[ dog climbs down from sofa and pees properly over a newspaper ]

That's a good job!

Dale Sturtevant V/O: Fussy eating habits..

Dale Sturtevant: Oh, right, Margaret, you wanted prime rib. Here's the deal: The Palm wasn't taking reservations, and I didn't even try Morton's because I understand they have a new chef. So for now, let's just go with the Alpo, okay? I know it's not your first choice but keep in mind, you're a f--king dog!

[ dog eats the Alpo ]

Dale Sturtevant: I'm so confident this program works, I'm gonna send you Volume 1 of the five-part series free of charge. Once you've seen it, I know you'll order the rest. [ looks down at dog ] Right, Murphy, you brainless sack of excrement? [ to camera ] She's being punished.

Announcer:
To order "Dissing Your Dog", dial 1-800-555-0199. Call today.

Dale Sturtevant: Remember: there's one thing stronger than a dog's sense of smell - his sense of irony.

-- Will Ferrell, "Dissing your dog"

(Please note: no dogs were actually dissed in writing this post.)

https:// It's not so hard.
BRIGGS
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9/21/2014  12:39 PM
knickscity wrote:
Allanfan20 wrote:I never said anything about demoralizing kids. I agree that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.

With that said, just bc I don't have kids, you shouldn't assume I am naive or possibly clueless.


I was pointing out that words hurt worse than the physical because you live with words forever.

Cuts and bruises heal in time, the memory is merely a scar and even those can be wiped away at times.

Without having kids I would classify that as inexperienced. There is no training manual, you learn as you go, and likely you carry on what was done with yourself.


I'm not a fan of verbal abuse either. I would never demoralize my children verbally nor would I ever hit them. It might take time and patience but if you put in the hard work--there is never going to be a reason to raise your hand to a child/kid--IMHO. I think if anyone here was hit or verbally abused--they can remember the circumstance--and beyond being a good-natured person who does not believe in violence--you can re-live some of your own experience with your own "beatings"or verbal abuse you we may have taken when younger. If a kid does something serious--if he hurts someone acts up in various ways--you take actions that involve removing anything they may like. At 4-5-6 take away TV and desert and spend punishment time reading ro learning. I was lucky with only little problems with my own two kids--when I married into another family and took two more kids on--one demand I had with my new wife is that she discontinued screaming at her kids(and she's a Psychologist) because I did not want my kids to be around that. It ended up working out--every parent may have to use a tone with a kid--that is going to happen--even the best kid is going to have to hear a tone sometime in their life--no one is perfect. But taking the time to make sure the kids understand what they did wrong--what price they will have to pay and what further price they will have to pay if such an act is repeated--they will catch on. I only give one chance--I dont open my mouth about something more than once. Its so rare that I open my mouth they get it right away--even the step children. Im a friendly person I dont like to fight with anyone. I like the friendship type of parenting method friends first. But I will say something like--you will lose that computer for a month if you do that again--Ive enforced that a couple of times--and the kids know that there is no joke when I say something like that--if it had to come to that which has been rare. I think if kids see you as a good friend--they dont want to hurt you or let you down although sht happens at times. If you take the time provide a healthy atmosphere to grow learn and to be a nice natured himan being--making sure they understand that helping and giving is as important as getting--kids will do fine and the parents will have a much better longer relationship with them-. My mom does not have that with me--her fault. But I have friends for life with my kids.

RIP Crushalot😞
knickscity
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9/21/2014  1:55 PM
BRIGGS wrote:
knickscity wrote:
Allanfan20 wrote:I never said anything about demoralizing kids. I agree that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.

With that said, just bc I don't have kids, you shouldn't assume I am naive or possibly clueless.


I was pointing out that words hurt worse than the physical because you live with words forever.

Cuts and bruises heal in time, the memory is merely a scar and even those can be wiped away at times.

Without having kids I would classify that as inexperienced. There is no training manual, you learn as you go, and likely you carry on what was done with yourself.


I'm not a fan of verbal abuse either. I would never demoralize my children verbally nor would I ever hit them. It might take time and patience but if you put in the hard work--there is never going to be a reason to raise your hand to a child/kid--IMHO. I think if anyone here was hit or verbally abused--they can remember the circumstance--and beyond being a good-natured person who does not believe in violence--you can re-live some of your own experience with your own "beatings"or verbal abuse you we may have taken when younger. If a kid does something serious--if he hurts someone acts up in various ways--you take actions that involve removing anything they may like. At 4-5-6 take away TV and desert and spend punishment time reading ro learning. I was lucky with only little problems with my own two kids--when I married into another family and took two more kids on--one demand I had with my new wife is that she discontinued screaming at her kids(and she's a Psychologist) because I did not want my kids to be around that. It ended up working out--every parent may have to use a tone with a kid--that is going to happen--even the best kid is going to have to hear a tone sometime in their life--no one is perfect. But taking the time to make sure the kids understand what they did wrong--what price they will have to pay and what further price they will have to pay if such an act is repeated--they will catch on. I only give one chance--I dont open my mouth about something more than once. Its so rare that I open my mouth they get it right away--even the step children. Im a friendly person I dont like to fight with anyone. I like the friendship type of parenting method friends first. But I will say something like--you will lose that computer for a month if you do that again--Ive enforced that a couple of times--and the kids know that there is no joke when I say something like that--if it had to come to that which has been rare. I think if kids see you as a good friend--they dont want to hurt you or let you down although sht happens at times. If you take the time provide a healthy atmosphere to grow learn and to be a nice natured himan being--making sure they understand that helping and giving is as important as getting--kids will do fine and the parents will have a much better longer relationship with them-. My mom does not have that with me--her fault. But I have friends for life with my kids.


To each their own has been my motto, what works for one is no different than what works for others, the results are what matters most to me as a parent. The result I'm looking for is to have children who understand right from wrong, can make good decisions even at a young age to older age and to be able to show respect and empowerment for themselves, others and authority. All kids make mistakes and while I did spank my children when they were younger it was more due to the nature of what was done.....basically some things are worse than others. For instance even though I do say curse words, it's rare if any of my children have ever heard me utter them, but I have had to go to school to speak to a teacher or two becuase of my childrens cussing, and since they already know they arent supposed to and did it anyway, there wont be talk about that as a young child.

Personally I'm not into the "tone of voice" as my kids arent pets. Difference in tones are normally for animals that naturally dont understand words.....kids can, so the tone really doesnt have to change. if they respect you and are taught properly, no change of voice or yelling is in even needed. it's rather odd that I've heard folks support tones of voice and dont condone spanking when they are the exact same level.

Curious about the "friendship parenting" method you're speaking on. While my kids come to me on all sorts of things, I've never attempted to be their friend. We do have lots of common likes dislikes and trains of thought, but not on a friendship level.

Papabear
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9/21/2014  2:53 PM
Papabear Says

Sure I spanked my kids. Mainly the boys never the girls. My wife took care of that. Some kids are just late bloomers. They don't get it till sometimes young adults. I think that a spanking should only come when something really bad has been done and you have to get your point across. New if they continue to make mistakes and be bad or hard headed. It will depend on what their age is to go to the next step. I'm like this the rules in me and my wifes house stand and if you can't abide by our rules there will be problems. I also beleive that a family that prays together stays together. Keeping your kid active in church or what ever religion you belong to that teaches good things can work. Watch who your kids are hanging out with and if you see a bad apple speak out on it. When I would give my kids a spanking I would express how disappointed I was with them and for them not to do it again. Show you kids the difference between playing with them and when you are serious about things let them know the difference between buddy hood and parent hood.

Papabear
F500ONE
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9/21/2014  3:24 PM    LAST EDITED: 9/21/2014  7:05 PM
gunsnewing wrote:and the kids will continue to act and do whatever they want

Just great...

Her parents are looking out for their 12yr old daughter and they go to jail?

This confirms that this world we live in going down the tubes

The previous generations were disciplined

Usually with some form of physical punishment


Some of us from this generation and we're doing

Absolutely fine, some of us accomplishing great things in life


Matter of fact AP was beat with switches as a kid

And grew to become the best running back in the NFL


What about in schools, back in the day they used paddles right

Did those leave marks on kids ever


Was that abusive, please give me a break

Now we have kids knocking teachers out and destroying classrooms


No more than that, bringing assault rifles, rambo knives and whatnot

Slaying everything in their path


Also the community helped in raising kids back in the day

The saying it takes a village to raise one


Unfortunately we live in a society now

Where the village is trying to discipline the parents


The irony of this is so sad

If a kid does wrong and we have no idea


If APs kid said something to the effect of

I hate you and eff you dad I love mom more


Or if he threw some object in disgust at him

All because he was asked to put his toys away etc etc


Then he should use verbal reinforcements and redirection only

Even if the kid refuses to respond, but no physical harm


What if AP decided to pinch him hard on the cheeks

Or Ears just a couple times, is that abuse because it leaves a mark?


The kid got an old fashion southern country whipping, nothing more

Nevertheless a parent can't use a switch to discipline a kid


But the system can take your whole life away

Not being an offender in the justice system because


You decided to use physical discipline

This world is going to the gutter


It's just a sample size evidence it is

F500ONE
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9/21/2014  3:30 PM
When kids get bullied in school verbally

And the kid comes back to the school to take out his rage


How come the kids who did the social bullying[non physical]

Aren't taken out of the school and put in some rigid detention centers?


What do you think is worse discipline spanking abuse as needed

Or verbal abuses that happen repeatedly

IronWillGiroud
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9/21/2014  5:32 PM
i try to beat my kids daily, to remind them of who is boss and keep them vigilant
The Will, check out the Official Home of Will's GameDay Art: http://tinyurl.com/thewillgameday
holfresh
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9/21/2014  6:24 PM    LAST EDITED: 9/21/2014  6:26 PM
My daughter went to a friends' confirmation and the get together at the friend's house afterwards..Her friend called her father a dufus and an azzhole squared in front of everyone there..My daughter was shocked and somewhat embarrassed...She couldn't believe her friend spoke to her parents in that manner...She told us of the incident when she got home...It's not every kid u can reason with..
F500ONE
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9/21/2014  7:14 PM    LAST EDITED: 9/21/2014  7:44 PM
holfresh wrote:My daughter went to a friends' confirmation and the get together at the friend's house afterwards..Her friend called her father a dufus and an azzhole squared in front of everyone there..My daughter was shocked and somewhat embarrassed...She couldn't believe her friend spoke to her parents in that manner...She told us of the incident when she got home...It's not every kid u can reason with..

This is exactly what I'm talking about

But the father has been rendered a sap by the system


So the kid has full rights to verbally abuse him

Her consequence is///// no more iPad or iPhone gets taken away


No let's go old school and wash her mouth out with soap

No let's go new school and put her in a time out


Yeah that'll teach her

What she'd deserve is a spanking


Wait until she pops off like that

At some kid in school, she's gonna catch a beat down


An uncontrolled one, and the father will be furious

Trying to stick up for his B of a daughter


In which the father will use the system against itself

What a vicious circle of hypocrisy and double standard

gunsnewing
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9/21/2014  7:57 PM    LAST EDITED: 9/21/2014  8:14 PM
F500ONE wrote:
gunsnewing wrote:and the kids will continue to act and do whatever they want

Just great...

Her parents are looking out for their 12yr old daughter and they go to jail?

This confirms that this world we live in going down the tubes

The previous generations were disciplined

Usually with some form of physical punishment


Some of us from this generation and we're doing

Absolutely fine, some of us accomplishing great things in life


Matter of fact AP was beat with switches as a kid

And grew to become the best running back in the NFL


What about in schools, back in the day they used paddles right

Did those leave marks on kids ever


Was that abusive, please give me a break

Now we have kids knocking teachers out and destroying classrooms


No more than that, bringing assault rifles, rambo knives and whatnot

Slaying everything in their path


Also the community helped in raising kids back in the day

The saying it takes a village to raise one


Unfortunately we live in a society now

Where the village is trying to discipline the parents


The irony of this is so sad

If a kid does wrong and we have no idea


If APs kid said something to the effect of

I hate you and eff you dad I love mom more


Or if he threw some object in disgust at him

All because he was asked to put his toys away etc etc


Then he should use verbal reinforcements and redirection only

Even if the kid refuses to respond, but no physical harm


What if AP decided to pinch him hard on the cheeks

Or Ears just a couple times, is that abuse because it leaves a mark?


The kid got an old fashion southern country whipping, nothing more

Nevertheless a parent can't use a switch to discipline a kid


But the system can take your whole life away

Not being an offender in the justice system because


You decided to use physical discipline

This world is going to the gutter


It's just a sample size evidence it is

I enjoy reading your posts but the double spacing makes it hard to follow. My eyes hurt lol
Just a suggestion though. Its up to you

also hypocrisy and double standards are rampant everywhere. It's a shame

knickscity
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9/21/2014  8:55 PM    LAST EDITED: 9/21/2014  8:56 PM
holfresh wrote:My daughter went to a friends' confirmation and the get together at the friend's house afterwards..Her friend called her father a dufus and an azzhole squared in front of everyone there..My daughter was shocked and somewhat embarrassed...She couldn't believe her friend spoke to her parents in that manner...She told us of the incident when she got home...It's not every kid u can reason with..

The large is likely a good reason why that girl popped off at her dad....the girl apparently is his equal in their household.

Speaking of....I was reading an article not too long ago, and here is a clip of it.....

"For example, a parent might say: "If you pick up your toys right now and go brush your teeth, we'll watch a movie together afterward. Otherwise, it's bedtime in five minutes." If the child does not take the appropriate action within the time allotted, be prepared to take your child to bed.


The next morning at breakfast, a parent might suggest that if the child picks up his toys and brushes his teeth immediately when asked, he would again be given the opportunity to watch a video together. The best time for reason is when both child and adult are in a happy setting. This is when the best thinking and learning can take place."

http://childcare.about.com/cs/behaviors/qt/reasoning.htm

This is one of the most assinine forms of parenting I've ever seen. Chances are it's bedtime anyway. Giving a child an option to NOT do what you want is parental failure, and what's the sense in repeating it the next day? Only the parent even remembers by then.

The article is poor advice in it's entirety. While I do agree not to discipline in anger, depending on the age of the child waiting will make the child wonder what is the discipline even for as time has passed already.

Since this is a slow period--question ever hit your kids?

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