smackeddog wrote:

ToddTT wrote:No kids. Dogs though... and I would never hit them.

Ha- me too! and they are as good as gold!

Look at that username... shenanigans!!! I'm calling it! ;)

Moonangie wrote:

Nalod wrote:If you yell, your losing. If you hit, you lost.

+1. Hitting teaches nothing but how to use violence to get what you want. It doesn't build understanding, only fear.

There had to be control established early. Like I said I never hit my kid except that one time that I explained before.

Parenting is hard work. People forget that sweet babies turn into full fledged people with their own wants and needs in as little as 3-4 months. Then is no just Mary Poppins bippity boppity boo. You have to teach your kid manners, respect, how to act at home, how to act in public. ... you need to instill your values. Now everyone gets their knowledge from tv, or books and would rather medicate or put their kids through therapy. People are leaving it up to the nursery schools to teach them things or leaving it up to other people like nannies, baby sitters.

You do not negotiate with kids. I see that alot. Parents give their kids too much freedom to where they feel they can dictate how things go in the house.

I am very passionate about patenting. Kids need good patches not the pussies it there today. Patents are scared to death of their kids and are super stressed out. Frankly it absolutely should be the other way around. By the time you're kids is in junior high that jus is give. If you sucked as a parent up until then then your kid is ****ed.

Aldo people need to give the parents credit when they see well behaved kids. The parents are doing a great job and they should be acknowledged. People just praise the kids like they raised themselves. Smh.

ToddTT wrote:No kids. Dogs though... and I would never hit them.

I didn't get hit much but I sure remember *why* I got hit - like the time I was playing with fire in the basement for example. I didn't do that again so, in a way, it worked.

Luckily I don't have kids. I don't believe in corporal punishment, but there would be times I'd be sorely tempted, based on the behavior of some of the kids I see out in public.

Just great...

Her parents are looking out for their 12yr old daughter and they go to jail?

This confirms that this world we live in going down the tubes

Also there's sometimes good reasons behind it- everyone behaves way they do for a reason. How many parents bother to ask their kids why they're doing what they're doing? I love working with 'problem' kids and young people- if you treat them with respect and are willing to listen and try to understand what's going on for them, and are real with them they reciprocate it. Works a hell of a lot better than a beating.

NYKBocker wrote:I have 4 kids. Ranging from 21 to 10. I was old school in that I used to spank my kids. I was brought up this way. Then when my oldest was in middle school we had some problems. I started spanking her since I thought that was what you are supposed to do to fix her. It worked on me. I mean...I was not a bad kid but I remember back then my Dad would just look at me and I know to stop. It didn't work on her. It masked the true problem. She was being bullied at school and she was acting up. She also started flinching when this happened. Older posters here know what happened to her and I greatly appreciate the sympathy I got when I poured my troubles in this forum. One of the few reasons that I love this place. Anyways...I learned from my mistake. I stopped the spanking ways and just communicated with my children. It seems to have worked. My 3 youngers kids are doing really well and I have not raised my hand on any of them ever since.

While spanking worked for me..I don't think it will work now in this climate. Parents have to adapt and that is what I did.

I have never raise a hand at my kids, never spanked them. I have always spoken with them, sometimes in angry tones of voice, I take the time to communicate my expectations VERY clearly to them, take the time to explain the reasoning behind my words, take the time to sit with them and LISTEN to THEIR reasoning.

Yes, it sometimes requires a lot more patience than an adult is naturally inclined to give a child. But it pays off for both of us - it forces me to resist the "easy" path of violent confrontation; for them, they learn how to communicate their feelings and thoughts, and they learn how to achieve their ends without resorting to anti-social behavior.

It also builds mutual respect and love. It "forces" them to consider their actions more carefully in future situations. It teaches them that being "reasonable" merits the sort of respect that enables them to achieve their ends. Sure, they had plenty of "timeouts" as young-ins, and they temporarily lose iPhones and such if they argue too much. But they generally don't do these behaviors anymore because they have learned that complying with intelligent rules is not bad, and that they have the freedom to express rational viewpoints that challenge rules they find unfair.

Other parents regularly comment to me on how well-behaved my kids are, especially compared with other children. They are respectful of adults. They treat their friends with respect-fairness-kindness. They volunteer for community service out of their own initiative. They are straight A students and top athletes in their high-school, leaders of their teams (both boys).

If I had beaten them regularly, none of this would be likely. Respect begets respect; beating begets dysfunctional/broken children who turn into challenged adults, and the cycle will likely repeat.

No disrespect to those who have hit their children, as I understand we pass on what was often done to us. I just don't think it is good for anyone involved. Growing up in Brooklyn, seeing people killed, lots of violence weekly and such, I can only imagine how that must feel to a parent when they think of the dangers to their children. Sometimes we resort to violence on others (e.g. children) to make us feel safe from losing them, due to being in a dangerous city, for example.

I was never really hit as a kid, I mean I remember a whack on the but a couple of times, but nothing that "scarred" me or the like, though we really don't know what a whacking does to a growing persons mentality. Actually, I think research shows it lowers IQ and brings mistrust and such.

Learning about love, obviously should not involve violence. Again, not being judgmental here, as the world is a painful place for most.

arkrud wrote:I am from regular European Jews family and I do not know any instance of beating kids in my family.
I remember my grandmother told me she do not remember anything like this too. So I never heard this form any of my friends.
This is out of tradition for 10th of generations...
From the age I remember I was always afraid to disappoint and hurt the feelings of my parents and grandparents.
Obviously I sometimes did and they told me and I cried. It was worst that beating. Much worth.
Especially when mother cried because of my behavior or farther will not talk to me.
Violence has no meaning and no use. Its just killing once soul.

I'd rather get hit then the doses of Jewish Guilt I experienced!!
Just kidding guys!!!

I pissed my Stepfather off once and he want to hit me. I was 16 and bigger at the time, I held him and told him I loved him but I could not permit him to touch me and my mother would go nuts. I apologized that I had angered and asked him if we could cool off an deal with it "later". I really was doing my beast to piss him off but also the dynamic in the house was my mom was "Protective" of the kids with the StepDad (instinct). "mommabear" looks after her own! My biological father was long gone for years. At that point I guess I decided I wanted a relationship and we both drew a line.

At 14 my son stuck his chest out at me and moved into my space as if he wanted to hit me. I steped into his first and quickly told him "at this moment you have to decide what kind of relationship you want with me, I will always love you but you have to earn my respect as I do yours!!!!" I hugged him and walked away. Basically it was the moment he was trying to stake his independance but also knew he was far from it. I remember that and tried to understand but not back down.

Later that nite we discussed "man strength" and while he might have some notion that he could "take me" I assured him my mental toughness would not permit it and it would damage our relationship. While it was "My house" he was a vital part of the family and my job was to make him bigger, faster, smarter, more successful and better looking than me!!! If so I would not be envious but proud and wish him only happiness and success in his life!!!

We are very a like and its like arguing with your clone. At times we exhausted my wife and daughter because they saw what was happening clearer than I was. Now we laugh. He is 23.

well guess what the mother reached back and clocked this poor innocent child with absolutely no warning, and all for making this bitch have to walk slower in the rain when they were already soaked through. she smacked this girl so hard in her face the child was knocked off balance to the ground, and the mother's hand looked like it caught the girl in the eye too.

it made me so mad not only for that moment of violence but i imagined the scarring the little girl would acquire and take with her into adulthood!